Back on after a few years because I have no idea what I’ve watched since then.
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Chopper 2000
The first half ‘owa felt loike oi was serving toime in preeson too. Fahk me, these are some stabby cahnts. Oi cahnt, stop stabbin’. Let’s go boi a $4,000 8-ball eenstead. Oi was excoited when he god’eowt, but it all just got a beet dawka someheow. Roight then, moi spoil’a bahtton is bloody broken ag-een, I’ve gone and blown it, haven’t oi?
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Fallen Angels 1995
The only way my white ass ever remembers this director’s name is I just imagine an enraged Chinese man at a valet parking booth complaining, “Wrong car! Why?!” Man, does that little brain hack save me at Asian dinner parties until I ask if he’s Japanese or a fat Korean.
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The Girl and The Robot 2023
I heard Stav would have joined if not for the scheduling conflict playing the mountain Tom Cruise jumped off in Dead Reckoning.
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Nosferatu 2024
My brother didn’t come because he gets nightmares or some shit. I had this thoughtful review lined up until his first question asking if she gets naked. To which I replied she has pointy nipples, tiny tits, but they look great. Then I laughed that that’s my review for the movie. So, there you have it. A man of my word.
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