i guess i mostly write reviews when i'm furious or annoyed? sometimes you just need to flip off the tv
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The Monkey 2025
man i thought longlegs made me re-evaluate my opinion of oz perkins but this is next-level. how do you go from making something as gleefully cruel as "the blackcoat's daughter" to making something this lifeless? at least longlegs had that one part where he smashes his face into a table until it comes apart
idk maybe the world needed store brand drag me to hell, what do i know
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Virus 1999
now THIS is a movie that absolutely fucks hard. OBVIOUSLY the plot has nothing to do with anything, and OBVIOUSLY the cast exists almost exclusively as a place for the gore effects to go, but WHO CARES????
the movie treats simplistic concepts like "narrative" and "character" the same way the disembodied alien cyborg murder intelligence treats human bodies - as little more than flimsy obstacles and disgusting spare parts for absolutely awesome nasty nightmare meatborg robots.
and they're REALLY fun…
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The Killer 2023
do you feel like watching michael fassbender painstakingly assemble ikea furniture while explaining in voiceover how to assemble ikea furniture? i didn't! but that's what you're getting
if you're going to show me a plodding procedural, show me how the procedure (or lack thereof) reacts to the unexpected. or just give us some surprise tradecraft and action! or interesting characters? or anything other than the obvious
i was really, really disappointed he didn't kill the one person he really should have, and i think that choice was a profound act of cowardice on the part of the filmmakers!
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