Once upon a time, in a nameless foreign land, a soldier was marching home from

war. The war he’d fought had waged for generations. It had been waged, in fact,
for so many years that in time, the people fighting it had completely forgotten the
reason that they fought.
One day, the soldiers looked at the men they battled and realized they did not
know why they wanted to kill them. It took the officers a little longer to come to
the same conclusion, but eventually they had been prevailed upon, and all the
soldiers on both sides of the war had laid down their arms. Peace had been
declared. So now our soldier marched home on a lonely road. But since the war
had gone on for so many years, he no longer had a home to march to, and really
he marched to nowhere. Still, he had a pack with some food on his back, the sun
shone overhead, and the road he’d chosen was a straight and easy one. He was
content with his lot in life. His name was Laughing Jack. . . .
Jack marched down the road, whistling merrily, for he was a man without a care
in the world. . . .
Presently, Jack came upon an old man, sitting by the side of the road. The old
man’s clothes were
rags, his feet were bare, and he sat as if the whole world rested upon his
shoulders.

“Oh, kind sir,” the beggar cried. “Have you a crust of bread to spare?”
“I have more than that, Father,” Jack replied.

He stopped and opened his pack and drew out half a meat pie, carefully wrapped
in a kerchief. This he shared with the old man, and with a tin cup of water from a
nearby stream, it made a very fine meal indeed.
After the last crumb of meat pie was eaten, the old man stood, and a very
strange thing happened. His tattered clothes fell away, and suddenly there stood
before Jack a young, handsome man in shining white garments.

“You have been kind to me,” the angel said—for who else could he be but an
angel of God? “And so I shall reward you.”

The angel drew forth a little tin box and pressed it into Jack’s palm. “Look inside
for what you need, and it shall be there.”

He turned and was gone. Jack blinked for a moment before peering inside the
box. And then he laughed, for there was nothing inside but a few leaves of snuff.
Tucking the little tin snuffbox into his pack, he set off along the road again. By
and by, Jack came upon another old man in tattered rags sitting by the side of the
road.

“Have you aught to give me to eat?” the second beggar called in a disagreeable
voice.
Jack set down his pack and took out some cheese. The old man snatched it from
his hand and gobbled it down. Jack brought out a loaf of bread. The old man ate
the entire loaf and then held out his hands for more. Jack shook his head and
dug to the very bottom of his pack to find an apple.

The old man devoured the apple and said, “Is this rubbish all that you can offer?”

And finally Jack’s patience broke. “For pity’s sake, man! You’ve eaten the last of
my food and not a word of thanks in return. I’ll be on my way and damn you for
my trouble!”

The second beggar stood, and all his rags fell away, revealing a horrible thing,
half beast, half man, and entirely covered with black and rotting scales.

“Damn me, will you?” rasped the demon, for such it obviously was. “I will see you
damned in my stead!”

Jack began to shrink, his legs and arms growing shorter, until he stood only the
height of a child. At the same time, his nose grew and hooked down until it nearly
met his chin, which had elongated and curved up. The demon roared with
laughter and vanished in a sulfurous cloud of smoke. And then Jack stood all
alone in the road, the sleeves of his soldier’s uniform trailing in the dust.
Well, this was a terrible thing, but what could Jack do but continue on his way?
After walking for
another day, he came to a magnificent city. When he entered the gates, people
stared and laughed,
and a little crowd of boys followed him, jeering at his long nose and curving chin.
Jack threw down his pack, placed tiny hands on hips, and yelled, “D’you think me
a figure of
fun?”
And then behind him came another laugh, but this one was soft and sweet. When
Jack turned, he
beheld the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen, with rich golden hair and rosy
cheeks.
She bent down and said to him, “I think you the funniest little man I’ve ever seen.
Will you come
and be my fool?”
And that was how Jack be came fool to the daughter of the king.

Now, the princess of this wonderful city was named Surcease, and while Princess
Surcease was beautiful beyond a man’s dreams, with eyes as bright as stars and
skin as smooth as silk, she was a haughty woman and had not found a man she
would consent to marry. One man was too old, another too young. Some talked
too loudly, and quite a few chewed with their mouths agape. As the princess
neared her twenty-first birthday, the king, her father, lost patience. So he
proclaimed that there would be a series of trials held in honor of the princess’s
natal day and that the man who won them would also win her hand in marriage
Well, you can imagine what happened upon the king’s proclamation. Suitors
began arriving in the little kingdom, traveling from the four corners of the world.
Some were princes, high and low, with caravans of guards and courtiers and
lackeys. Some were dispossessed knights, seeking their fortune, their armor
battered from many tournaments. And a few even traveled on foot, beggars
and thieves without much hope. But they all had one thing in common: they each
believed they were the one who would win the trials and marry a beautiful
princess royal.
Princess Surcease stood high on the battlements of the castle and watched as
her suitors arrived below. Beside her was Jack the Fool. She’d become quite
fond of him, and he accompanied her everywhere. He stood now on an
overturned piece of masonry, the better to see over the wall, since he was only
half her height.
“Ah, me!” sighed the princess.
“What troubles you, o fair and gusty maid?” Jack asked.
“Oh, Fool, I wish my father would let me choose a husband of my own liking,” the
princesssaid. “But that will never happen, will it?”
“More likely that a fool marry a beautiful princess royal,” Jack replied.

On the day that the trials were to begin, hundreds, perhaps thousands, of hopeful
men stood outside the castle walls. A tall platform was built for the king to stand
on so that all the suitors could hear. And from this platform, the king explained
what was to happen. There would be three trials in all, in order that the man who
would win the princess be thoroughly tested. The first test was to find and bring
back a ring of bronze. This ring lay at the bottom of a deep and chilly lake. And in
this lake there lived a giant serpent.
That night, the royal court was abuzz with rumor. The serpent was dead and the
bronze ring gone,
but no one had come forward with the ring. Who was the brave man who had
captured the ring?
Jack, as usual, stood beside the princess’s chair at supper, and she gave him a
very strange look
when she sat down.
“Why, Jack,” she cried, “where have you been? Your hair is quite wet.”
“I have been to visit a wee silver fishy,” Jack said, and turned a silly somersault.
The princess smiled and ate her soup, but what a surprise awaited her at the
bottom of the bowl!
There lay the bronze ring.
Well! That caused quite a stir, and the head cook was summoned at once. But
although the poor
man was questioned before the entire court, he had no knowledge of how the
ring had got in
Princess Surcease’s soup. At last the king was forced to dismiss the cook, no
wiser than before.
The next day, the king announced the second trial: to bring back a silver ring that
was hidden
atop a mountain, which was guarded by a troll. Once again, Jack waited until
everyone left, and then he opened his little tin snuffbox. Out came the suit of
night and wind and the sharpest sword in the world. Jack put on the suit and took
up the sword and then whoosh! Whist! there he was, quick as you please, in front
of the nasty troll and his blade. Well, this battle took a little longer than the first,
but in the end, the result was the same. Jack had the silver ring.
When Jack returned with the silver ring, he paused only to change into his rags,
and then he nipped down to the royal kitchens. The same small boy was stirring
the princess’s soup. Jack once again asked him if he might buy a turn at the
spoon. Plop! went the silver ring, and Jack was away before the head cook could
spy him. He hurried up the stairs and to his princess’s side.
“Why, where have you been all day, Jack?” Princess Surcease asked when she
saw him.
“Here and there, thither and yon, beautiful lady.”
“And what have you done to your poor arm?”
Jack looked down and saw that he had a cut from the troll’s blade. “Oh, Princess,
I did wrestle a monstrous pill bug in your honor today.”
And Jack capered about until the entire court roared with laughter.
Princess Surcease ate her soup, and what should be at the bottom of the bowl
but the silver ring?
Well, the king roared for the head cook, and the poor man was again dragged
before the court.
But no matter how they questioned him, he swore up, down, and sideways that
he did not know
how the ring had come to be in the princess’s soup. In the end, the king had to
send him back to
the kitchens again. All the people of the court leaned their heads close and
wondered who had
won the silver ring.
But Princess Surcease was silent. She merely stared thoughtfully at her fool.

The next day, the king announced a final trial. A golden ring was hidden in a
cavern deep underground and guarded by a fire-breathing dragon. Well, Jack put
on his suit of night and wind and took up the sharpest sword in the world, and
soon enough he stood at the entrance to the cavern. The dragon came roaring
out, and Jack had quite a battle, I can tell you, for the dragon was very big. Back
and forth they fought, all through the day. It was almost nightfall when the dragon
finally lay dead and Jack held the golden ring in his hand.

It was late by the time Jack hurried back to the castle. He barely had time to put
away his suit and
armor before rushing to the kitchens and bribing the little kitchen boy once again.
Then he ran to
the royal banquet room where the court had already sat down to eat their supper.
“Why, Jack,” said the princess when she saw him, “wherever have you been, and
what is that
burn upon your leg?”
Jack looked down and saw that the dragon had wounded him with its fire. He
danced about and
performed a silly twirl.
“I am a will-o’-the-wisp,” he cried, “and I have floated on the wind to see the king
of
salamanders!”

Princess Surcease was brought her soup, and when she had eaten all of it, what
should she find at
the bottom of the bowl but the golden ring? Once again, the head cook was
summoned before the
king, and though the king bellowed and threatened, the poor man knew no more
than before.
Finally, the princess, who had been turning the ring over in her fingers, spoke up.
“Who is it who chops the vegetables for my soup, good cook?”
The cook puffed out his chest. “Why, I do, Your Highness!”
“And who is it who sets the soup upon the fire to boil?”
“I do, Your Highness!”
“And who is it who stirs the soup while it boils?”
The cook’s eyes widened. “The little kitchen boy.”
And what a commotion that caused!
“Fetch the little kitchen boy at once!” cried the king.
So the little kitchen boy was brought trembling before the king. It wasn’t long
before he confessed.
Three times, Jack, the princess’s fool, had paid him to have a turn at stirring the
pot of soup—the
last time this very night. Well! The courtiers gasped, Princess Surcease looked
thoughtful, and the
king roared with rage. The guards dragged Jack to kneel before the king, and
one placed a sword
against the fool’s throat.
“Speak!” cried the king. “Speak and tell us from whom you stole the rings!” For
naturally no one
believed the short, twisted fool could’ve won the rings himself. “Speak! Or I will
have your head
cut from your body!”

The sword pressed very tightly against Jack’s throat, but still he spoke up
bravely.
“I would tell you who won the rings, my liege,” he said, “but, alas, you would not
believe me in any
case.”
The king bellowed, but Jack raised his voice to be heard over the royal rage.
“Besides, it does not
matter who won the rings. What matters is who holds them now.”
And just like that, the king was silent and every eye in the royal banquet hall
turned to Princess
Surcease. She seemed as surprised as any when she reached into the little
jeweled bag that hung from
her kirtle and drew out the bronze ring and the silver ring. She placed them with
the gold ring already on her palm, and then all three lay together.
“Princess Surcease has the rings,” Jack said. “And it seems to me that gives her
the right to pick her own husband.”
Well, the king hemmed and the king hawed, but in the end he had to admit that
Jack did have a point. “Who will you choose to wed, my daughter?” the king
asked. “There are men here from all corners of the world. Rich men, brave men,
men so handsome the ladies swoon when they ride by. Now tell me,
which of them will be your husband?”
“None.” Princess Surcease smiled, helped Jack to stand on his stumpy legs, and
said, “I will wed Jack the Fool and no other, for he may be a fool, but he makes
me laugh and I love him.”
And then before the stunned eyes of the entire court and her royal father, she
bent and kissed Jack the Fool, right on his long, curved nose.
What a strange thing happened then! For Jack began to grow, his legs and arms
lengthened and thickened, and his nose and chin receded into their normal
proportions. When it was all over, Jack was himself again, tall and strong, and
since he wore the wonderful suit of night and wind and carried the
sharpest blade in all the world, well, you can imagine, he was a very fine sight
indeed. But poor Princess Surcease did not like this handsome stranger who
stood so tall before her. She wept and cried, “Oh, where is my Jack? Oh, where
is my sweet fool?”
Jack knelt before the princess and took her little hands between his big ones. He
leaned his head close to hers and whispered so only she could hear, “I am your
sweet fool, my beautiful princess. I am the man who danced and sang to make
you laugh. I love you, and I would gladly take on that twisted, horrible form again,
if only to see you smile.”
And at these words, the princess did smile and she kissed him. For although
Jack’s form had changed so much she no longer recognized him, his voice had
not. It was the voice of Jack the Fool, the man she loved.
The man she’d chosen to marry.