Permanent Hiatus..?

Hello all. This is probably my final post on this account.

You all deserve an explanation, so I'll give it to you here.

I have exhausted every last resource I possibly can to keep my finances in order. Unfortunately, I have two Hail Mary's left, and neither one of them look like they're going to be working out. I have called 211, and now, I am going to see if I can donate plasma for cash on Monday. It's probably going to be denied because of my health issues, and therefore I won't get any money. The 211 will also probably be denied, because there are others in my state (of North Carolina) that have lost everything to Helene, and all resources are (rightfully) going to them.

So? I have nothing left. There's nothing I can sell, and there's no way for me to get my medicine or feed my dog until my paycheck comes in, which will be held back because the first is always held back. I won't be able to pay my bills, or file my taxes because of my lack of money. If my car insurance lapses, I won't be able to have a valid license. If that happens, I can't work.

If I can't work, well, my boyfriend can't support me and my dog. We'll have to move back. However with the job market the way it is, I will not be able to get a job back at my grandparents either.

I now probably won't be able to go to college anymore since the department of education has been fully dissolved. So, possibly no more FASFA, and even if it's still around, it will either be left unattended with no employees to approve or deny the papers, or the government will dissolve it too.

All this to say, this is it. I'm at the end of the road, and there's nothing I can do. Either these Hail Mary's work, and I'm saved, or the very real possibility they don't, and what next is just suffering. There's nothing I can do, and nothing y'all can do. I can't fight my body, my mind and the government.

So, no. I'm not going to kill myself. I've come too far to do that bullshit now.

But is this a permanent goodbye to Tumblr and this amazing community?

... most likely so.

I've been trying to juggle expectations and the reality of my young adult life so far. Balance having fun and going to work, while trying to find a balance with my health. Now? There's quite literally nothing.

I've spent about 5 hours in the worst panic attack a person could experience, only for my emotions to go totally numb these past three hours. I'm crying, but there's no emotion. I'm smiling, with no emotion. There's nothing but a husk at the moment, and that terrifies me.

What it means, I have no clue. Could be a horrible panic attack or something worse. I don't know and I don't care at the moment.

But I do want to tell you all that whatever hardships you're facing in your life right now? That shit isn't your fault. Most of this was decided by old bastards centuries ago, and they left us in this dying system who is only fueling itself by our agony. That's a shared trait everyone in the world has. Whether you're an American, African, Arab, Asian, European, Slavic, Hispanic or Indigenous person.

Our pain is caused by people who profit from it. They won't ever stop until everyone rises against them. But that won't happen until the majority of humans are being negatively affected.

So, make community. Live fast, Love Hard, and Laugh Long. Triple L's. As for me, I'm going to cocoon myself and make the last years I have of my life count, because unfortunately, I will probably be one of the first deaths when the system starts to really crash down... And with how it's heading, my mortality is a ticking clock.

Thank you for everyone I've interacted with. Thank you for everyone who has sent me love, hate or just questions. Thank you to everyone who has made me feel the most miserable to the person that made me feel the most alive. Thank you to my friends, thank you to my community, and thank you for listening to all my rambles, my upset chatter, and me argue and fuss and fight and claw my way to where I am, thank you for seeing the kind nature in me and not ruining it and thank you for nurturing the love and respect I have for every one of you to new extremes.

Thank you all.

This is Cassie, playing Phillip Graves, signing off permanently as of Saturday, March 22, 2025.

if anyone knows how to make insurances cover medically necessary surgeries lmk. i need my tonsils taken out and because im almost 22 they think that i am electing to have this, when i am infact sick with my 5th tonsil infection since 2025.

i just want to work with dogs, and not worry about my tonsils getting infected and fucking up my finances. pls and ty.

as for the blog, i may come back, may not. still getting hate and its just annoying. its like these people have 100 alt accounts or its a bot. idk. im answering people's asks periodically between physical & mental health episodes and work along with free time. i havent really been active in the cod server either because of my illnesses and trying to balance work & free time and time with my bf and dog.

tldr: insurances are the worst thing about living, my disabilities are second especially my pesky autoimmune. i maybe returning, might not because adulting like a proper adult is hard!!

Graves blinks and smiles softly, before hiding the letter with another particular revolutionary's love letter in his desk drawer.

Graves hums, slowly scooping the bread crumbs up into his free hand and opens the drawer to see his favorite pastry inside. A Cheese Danish. He smiles softly, and grabs it, chucking softly. He gives the bread crumbs to the serval.

DINOSAUR fuck yeah. I'm naming him blue.

Graves slowly looks up from his desk, staring at MacTavish, trying to see if he was being for real or not.

"Five million dollars. USA currency." He says looking back down at the files he was blacking out.

Update?

very triggering content all around the board. please be cautious.

Hi so uh, yall deserve some sort of explanation for why ive been gone and just sort of ditched this mfer in the backseat, so heres the full, unedited reason with no grammarly and shit.

i am *still* getting hate mail on this blog from the whole situation previously. i dont care about it, but its clogging my inbox, and its getting tedious to remove. on top of this, my health is getting worse. my migraines are more frequent, more debilitating. my insurance is refusing to help in any way shape or form for any of my issues and they're only suggesting that i do things they dont cover before they allow the medically necessary surgeries i need, which is now totaling to three total.

in the past 3 months, i have had 4 seizures, passed out/went unconcious 6 times, and my pain has not been any sort of managable. it has been debilitating, to the point my boyfriend had been taking care of my dog for me before i came back to my grandparents (to finish flipping a dresser and pack.)

my brother, who is a marine in the usmc, has turned into a christian nationalist, and is ruining our family with his ideals. i refuse to speak with him at the moment, because he told me i was going to burn in hell for being a pagan, and it was a good thing im detransitioning and my boyfriend can put me in a womans place. (i never transitioned, just changed my label from transmasc to nonbinary.)

my mental health has been in the gutter, and my bf and i have gotten into a huge argument. we are still together, everythings okay, but it caused me to relapse with my self harm, and because of that i have gotten really ill because i am immunocompromised.

the government is pissing me off, and so is my family. the united states is officially a fascist police state. it was before it's just way more outward now. everything is doom and gloom, and i have been up for 26 hours because of my insomnia and ptsd.

i start a new job soon, and move in officially with my bf soon. im trying to look on the good days, the good side of things, but im quite literally exhausted.

for everyone to understand: no, i am not suicidal, but when my time comes i will gladly leave the earth so i wont suffer anymore. i love life, but i fucking hate everything about my life. my bodys issues, my brain, my trauma, all of it. it sucks.

i didnt make this as a pity party, i just needed to tell yall that im not the so called saviour nor did i intend to be because bitch, i can barely save myself most days. i havent ate in 48 hours. not because of an ED but because the smell of food has made me nauseous and my migraine get worse.

everythings shit right now, i know it will be better with medicine, but now the government is talking about getting rid of that too, so who fucking knows. not me!

anyways, enough of this. ill post funny videogame pics of a flying swimming fish in Isle Evrima that I captured when i wake up.

love you all, cassie<33

Everyone forgets the Utah raptor... Velociraptor I suppose...

Small update!

I'm currently moving guys, I PROMISE my posting will get better 😭🙏🏻 My boyfriend officially asked me to move in a few weeks ago, then I had a mental breakdown because of my Borderline. A lot of things happened really fast, and so now I'm focused on starting my new job, new chapter of my life, and going back into therapy while moving and managing my blood circulation disorder (which needs to be medicated so I need to figure out how to move my doctors appointments and stuff down here so I can become medicated again!)

In the meantime, I'll be periodically answering asks and messages. I'm more around in the Discord that Rhi and Spooks made, but I've been spotty then too because of mental health and stress.

I also found out I am not eligible for Unemployment, so I'm taking up small things until then, and seeing if I can pay off my phone bill and car insurance before it's too late! Thank you all for sticking around, it's been rough, but I promise it's going to get better from here!

Cassie out!!

Fuck no I don't watch Duck Dynasty. Them rich bastards have probably never been on a six day huntin' trip. I do watch that one street racing show, but why would I watch moonshiners when I got one as my uncle?