Welcome to my Twisted Memes

i just did the BOFA thing to my mum and she goes “that’s very rude” and I said “i’m sorry, i meant it as a parody” and she said “of what?” then i said “a parod-eez nuts” and i heard my dad laugh from the other room

dandelions deserve more respect than they get

you say “weeds” I say “widespread non-native edible plant and early-blooming pollinator resource that is not considered invasive because it behaves politely and does not cause deleterious ecological consequences”

The dandelions aren’t gonna fuck you bro

they have and they will

“I’m just a girl” first of all you’re a grown ass woman second of all free yourself

Divorce seems to radicalize american men in a way that needs to be studied

A divorced american man will join a right wing terror group because he didnt get custody of the kids he didnt take care of at all

An american man will have an affair with a colleague, get caught, get divorced, and join isis

Intelligent words from @junequeer

God, I love tumblr, its the only place where we can get a philosophical analysis of why divorcees crumble and it was in the tags. Like if not for the screenshot, 90% of people would miss this wisdom

sorry to post facebook videos on main but the sound of jello going through an industrial shredder is both mesmerizing and horrible

some extra famous man meat for legitimate hunk source @littleguysdaily

Ground control to major Pudding.

today we post everett true

you ever have situations that make you want to take people by the shoulders and go "you are not 15 any longer. this behavior is no longer quirky and cute. it is exhausting for you and everyone else to act like a teenager you haven't been in a decade or longer. knock it the fuck off"

lots of ppl making this about adults who have interests they find cringe but let me be clear this is about emotional immaturity. idgaf if you're 35 and like goku okay but can you have an adult conversation without making yourself the victim is the matter at hand here

like the most politically neutered movie of all time unironically

the book this is based on (the true meaning of smekday) is uh. more

my dad, trying to explain the concept of money to me: say you have a sandwich, and i need your sandwich. but i don't have anything to give you. you're not just gonna give it to me.

me: i would just give it to you.

my dad:

in elementary school we had. basically an immersive economics lesson that was "playing City," with different jobs and businesses; it was mostly semi-free time for socializing and selling/buying toys and snacks from each other. one of the lessons we were supposed to learn was the importance of paying a small amount of money into health and/or business insurance, because you had a chance of being hit with the Daily Disaster and a huge bill.

anyway, some kid who didn't buy insurance got hit with a "medical bill" early on, so he was supposed to be bankrupt and have to sit the rest of the game out. the 8 year olds were not having it and spontaneously invented crowdfunding so he could keep playing with everyone else.

kids who don't 'get it' are right, actually

endlessly, morbidly fascinated by how when you're a kid you're constantly having parents, school, religion, media, all drumming it into your head that Sharing Is Good And You Need To Do It, and then you grow up and suddenly they're all like right never mind all that, this is The Real World and it's every bastard for himself

tw: theft, body horror, facial disfigurement

Cory Booker has been talking in the senate for over 20 hours now

He’s not filibustering. He’s protesting the current administration.

For those of you from outside the US or those of you who didn’t pay attention in government class, in the US senate there’s really no limit to the amount of time a senator can speak. So sometimes if they don’t want a bill to pass they just. Don’t stop talking. To hopefully get past the deadline to vote on a bill. This is called filibustering.

Senator Cory Booker isn’t doing that. He’s disrupting “the normal business of the United States Senate for as long as I am physically able”. Just in protest. This doesn’t usually happen.

He’s less than 20 minutes away from breaking the record of the longest speech given on the senate floor

Cory Booker has officially broken Strom Thurmond’s record for longest speech on the senate floor and he’s still going

For those of you wondering what he’s been talking about this whole time, his staff wrote down a bunch of stuff for him to read like stories from people across the political spectrum opposed to what the administration is doing. He’s also been telling personal anecdotes about meeting important civil rights leaders and other democratic senators have been pausing him for “questions” but the questions have been as long as a small speech and have both served the purpose of giving him a second to sit down and updating him on the news that he’s been missing while he’s been talking.

He has yielded the floor at 25 hrs and 4 mins. His eyes are so wide they look like they’re going to bug out of his skull so I don’t blame him for stopping. He said to go out and get in some good trouble.

i know that misgendering is bad and shouldnt be used as punishment for bad behavior. however, this is VISIBLY EFFECTIVE. remember, fascists are composed of ego and insecurity

Don't forget that you also can't meaningfully misgender a cis person. It's certainly not comparable to misgendering a queer person for punishment. If it'll help mess with fascists, you should do it, don't even gotta worry about being hypocritical or that you're doing something mean because it just isn't.