@captain-rez / captain-rez.tumblr.com
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I’m creating a masterlist of all the tiny stories I’ve written for Rez over the course of four years. A lot of it is written as like a final follow-up to an RP event with Rez so it can be a bit confusing. And some things get changed over time. No need to read if you don’t want, just wanted an easily accessible place with all my stories to give to folks.
Another Asterisk Actually wrote this story, amazingly two years ago, but forgot to add it to the list.
Lean into the funny idiot archetype so that when you’re unexpectedly hypercompetent at something they give you The Look where you can see them reexamine their entire perception of you in confusion, respect and no small amount of fear, and when you keep playing funny idiot they will be forever wary of you. Let them find out, incidentally, that the jester keeps a knife under his hat, and never figure out how to deal with that because they won’t abandon their boxes.
i keep mine in my fanny pack :)
they really fucked with this whole sequence didn't they
"I have depression." - character who has been through extensive therapy.
"I feel dead inside all the time and nothing helps!" - character who does like, regular introspective thinking and is aware of the concept of mental health.
"Leave me the fuck alone I'll be fine once I get over my stupid shit." - repressed character.
"It's fine I'm just having an Empty Time. What? Yeah, empty times, you know, when everything is like bzzzzzz in your brain and you don't shower for two weeks. Why, what do you call it?" - ooooughhh now we're talkin
oh i'm going to misusle and straight up fuckle this knowledge so badly
Green eyes shouldn’t actually be considered an eye color. It’s just not common enough, it’s a VERY SMALL percentage of the population, 1-2%. Green eyes are also caused by an irregular mutation. Most people have blue or brown eyes, so those are the two eye colors.
All the “green eyes” positivity is actually a bad thing, by the way. Having green eyes is linked to higher rates of retinal melanoma. You’re celebrating something dangerous that can cause suffering.
And besides, most people with “green eyes” lean closer to blue or brown anyways. They should just make up their minds and be brown eyed or blue eyed. And if it’s too hard to tell, they should get corrective surgery (because green eyes are dangerous, and associated with more difficult medical care!) or at the least wear contacts so they don’t confuse people. But also they should be required to
I hate to sound like this, but green eyes are a far more recent development than blue eyes in the mutagenic history of humans. So humans weren’t created to have green eyes.
And hazel eyes? Those are just a variant of brown eyes—come on, they’re far closer to brown than green. They just have a couple greenish traits. And there’s no way there’s that many green eyed people, or a wide variety of eye colors… It’s just not natural.
I don’t have a problem with green eyed people, they didn’t ask to be born that way—but there’s just too few of them for it to be an actual eye color. We don’t need all this “green eye positivity” or putting green eyes in media. The internet is making people delude themselves into thinking it’s more common than it really is.
‼️ THIS POST IS ABOUT THE TREATMENT OF INTERSEX PEOPLE ‼️
✅ I HAVE GREEN EYES THIS IS SATIRE ✅
⚠️ PLEASE DON’T SEND ME ANY MORE THREATS OF VIOLENCE IN DEFENSE OF PEOPLE WITH GREEN EYES?? ⚠️
💧 THIS POST IS NOT ABOUT EYE COLOR?? IT’S ABOUT INTERSEXISM AND BIGOTRY 💧
on Planet Where Everyone Can Teleport the first person on the moon went there by accident and promptly died. The next dozen or so people also went by accident, and also died. Number 14 figured out that people who go to the moon die and very cleverly brought a sword and six weeks of travel rations. This did not help.
No one on Planet Where Everyone Can Teleport ever figured out why people die in space because they don’t need airplanes and never found it particularly interesting to climb tall mountains. Astronomers use telescopes to take pictures of the ever-growing pile of corpses on the moon.
“why don’t they teleport back” because they’re not on the planet where everyone can teleport anymore. try to keep up dumbass
the moral of the story is that a breathable atmosphere is important to one’s general well-being
I don’t try to meditate anymore because once I realized that it can’t actually turn me into a water bender my brain stopped letting me do it.
When I was 14 some niche website on the third page of Google convinced me that if I meditate hard enough I could channel my qi energy into making water obey my commands and during that time I got so good at meditating. I could just let my thoughts and earthly worries pass for hours, unbothered.
Then one day I was like “wait a minute qi energy isn’t real” and then I lost the ability to meditate
This was also during a phase in my life where I was so deeply in denial about being transgender that I convinced myself that me secretly being a vampire without knowing it was more likely.
Like I’d already figured out two years earlier that I was trans but at this point I was like no I’m not queer I just need to achieve enlightenment so I can be a water bending vampire empath. This seems much more likely.
Being 14 is weird I’m glad I don’t have to do that anymore
Being 14 is
weird I’m glad I don’t have to
do that anymore
Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.
Literally making it my mission to shame anyone I see going to the USA.
Given that a German tourist has been detained by ICE for the past month and prevented from returning home, I wouldn’t be encouraging my non USA friends to come visit here anyway
As a Nasty Canadian I would not put my foot in the US if they’d pay me. Legal visas are not legal, valid green cards not valid, anyone can be Hamas supporter, or, as some years ago an officer on the Canada-US border told my friend, whose car was searched for hours to find nothing: “WHY? BECAUSE I DON’T LIKE YOUR FUCKING FACE, THAT’S WHY”.
I’m an American living in Germany, with a German spouse; we were planning on visiting the US to see my family, especially my new nephew.
My entire family has told us not to come, because it’s not safe for us to do so.
people are traveling less within the country as well, also for safety reasons
My partner is supposed to go to the US basically every year for a business trip. There are literally discussions about if it is safe to travel now.
Zenos Boba
it’s eunuch Tucker’s adoptiversary and defacto birthday today <3
here are some pictures of the birthday boy for you all <3
i hauve a cold
thank u for the get-well-soons!! <3 here’s my noble eunuch (Tucker) irl
jury-rigged. even keel. by the board. three sheets to the wind. loose cannon. son of a gun. pipe down. taken aback.
Give me some leeway, hit the head, learning the ropes, the cat is out of the bag, get underway, the cut of your jib, true colors, hand over fist
under the weather, in the doldrums, long shot, toe the line, groggy, aloof, overhaul, mainstay, pooped, keel over, in the offing, give a wide berth, footloose, flying colors, press into service, shake a leg
She's also publicly stated that she believes that anyone who reads her books or watches her shows and films does so because they explicitly agree with her political views.
There's no "agree to disagree" with her work. Every time you pick up her work or talk about it you are saying to her "I agree with you Joanne" whether you like it or not.
Deserves worship
Going to need this guy's lawyer
thank you for tags, I was too lazy to elaborate lol but it is funny how the headline is worded as if everyone would find the activities 'fun'
Me reading headline: oh OK good for Jean Vicquemare
Me reading the rest: HOLY SHIT GOOD FOR HIM FOR REAL JFC
