Always Internally Screaming

damn ok lake superior

Ok yeah that lake is superior

i love you USPS I love you NASA i love you taxpayer funded services that actually contribute positively to society i love you libraries i love you public transport

ooo…. lady gagita

Favorite post I’m not kidding.

underrated form of humor: just making shit up in past tense

My personal favourite:

Losing my mind remembering that pic chelsea manning posted of the extremely undercover and not at all obvious fbi agent who was tailing her after her release

what kind of sixth sense do american have to recognize fbi agents that easily

to paraphrase her, its always the shoes.

americans please explain to a foreigner, he looks like some random dude to me

1. They all have the same haircut, almost everybody in law enforcement and the military have the same haircut due to regulations.

2. They all wear the same shoes. Same boots, and same overpolished dress shoes.

3. They act different. Shifty eyed and always on their own.

4. They’re kinda really bad at their jobs. I’ve encountered plenty of “undercover” cops outside of bars that ask questions no regular person in their right mind would ever ask. “How are you getting home?” “Who did you come here with tonight?”

5. America is a police state on a budget. Most officers are poorly trained, fbi agents require a 4 year degree (I think), but lord knows how much training they actually get. And the dumb kids from your high school always become cops.

It’s always the dense as a brick kid, with something to prove that becomes a cop. The kid that mouth-breathed and couldn’t chew gum and walk at the same time.

Their shirts are never form fitting so they can conceal a weapon and cuffs.

Always look at the watch, it’ll be expensive but in neutral tones (uniform standards strike again).

They will always sit where they can see their target and the nearest exit.

They will have a partner who is less obvious but wil point a recording device (phone or camera) at you. Check elevated positions, it gives them the clearest view to track you and keep an eye on their partner at the same time.

One time when i lived in phoenix, I was driving home through residential streets from Panda Express on April 20th and there was a 40something year old white man standing quite literally in the MIDDLE of the fucking road wearing a brand new straight from the store weed jersey (jersey #420 with a big pot leaf), a wornout old raiders hat, regular-fit straight leg jeans, and cop shoes. This man proceeded to try to wave me down to stop since I was driving slowly (again, residential neighborhood) and as he did so fully yelled “You buying bro? You buying? 420 bro 420 you buying?”

I almost choked laughing so hard. I couldn’t stop myself from just yelling “NO THANK YOU OFFICER” as i drove by him.

for the past 60 years law enforcement, military, and even literal espionage/intelligence based organizations have assumed that rigid conformity to dress code was more important then actually training how to go undercover, blend in, or understand what the fuck theyre doing largely because the ‘we are infallible’ mindset is too strong for them to consider they might not be doing very good

shoutout to the two “undercover cops” who were at my school to monitor the student body for a week, acting like “substitute assistants” and literally all of the kids immediately recognised them as cops and everyone would address them only as “officer” which annoyed the hell out of them because “we aren’t cops” like sir you literally have your badge in your back pocket and a taser what fucking substitute assistant would have an actual police badge and a whole ass taser??

Just a casual reminder that this is what secret police are. Like, this is the literal definition. Police who are (badly or otherwise) pretending to not be police.

i know this has eight billion notes already but i love sharing these images

This thread reminds me of this story lol

This sounds bonkers to me because in Italy it’s forbidden for cops to bait you to commit a crime, if they do and you cave in they end up in jail

it is 100% legal for cops to lie to you in the united states, about anything they want to, at any time during any contact with you. they do plenty of illegal stuff too but never get in trouble for it

i got one of these guys one time responding to an internet ad to buy something (maybe Craigslist? i cant remember). he tried to bait me into prostitution and when i said no and “are you a cop?” there was the longest, most awkward pause you have ever seen before he just said “….no.”

they can lie to you about being a cop too, the thing you see on tv about “cops have to tell you they’re cops” is bullshit, i only asked because i wanted to see how he acted. anyway yeah this is why Americans seem so squirrelly to Europeans

This is always good info to have and REALLY came in handy in 2020

Learn to spot pigs in human clothes

The feminine urge to walk into the woods never to return.

The masculine urge to walk into the desert to never return.

The androgynous urge to walk into the ocean to never return.

For the oysters.

I can’t believe australian prime minister harold holt was nonbinary

hold on I gotta google something

I probably could've pieced that one together myself tbh

hey, can my cat stay on your blog for a little while?

i'm going out of town for the night and could use someone to watch her

thank you, everyone

oh jeepers, if i'd known she'd be travelling around this much, i'd've given her her leash

make sure to hold on tight to her, okay?

When you’re sorting the tank filters and a big boye wants cuddles. 

(Source)

“Gotta make sure they are cherished”

Someone with a degree in biology please explain this, is the grouper really cruising for cuddles or are we misinterpreting its behavior?

Because it looks awful cuddly is what I’m saying

Fish are WILDLY intelligent and many are so social that they naturally have social behaviors for interacting with other different species as a whole reef-wide community!! When it comes to interaction with humans, many fish can learn to recognize specific humans and increasingly seek attention such as scratches, rubs and simple play behaviors!

@linddzz can you confirm the fishy desire for skritches?

I’ve had a 4ft goliath grouper come up to me and stare reproachfully until I started giving her scritches and gravel showers. Picking up handfuls of the gravel and gently dropping it over their back is a nice fish massage. We encourage the behavior bc it’s a great time to check over them for any health concerns.

Also this looks like maybe a diver helping with a gravel vac tube. Basically a big siphon used to take junk out of the bottom of tanks.

But yeah this is pretty standard grouper neediness lmao

My betta fish used to love getting little pets

I’ve had 5-6 bettas over the years that have enjoyed cuddles. Half of those would do just about anything to swim into my hand or butt up against my fingers during tank cleaning to “ask” for attention. Fish are smart and some species are very, very sweet if they happen to imprint on you.

Brings new meaning to the concept of “pet fish”

all these gay girls are like "wow i want a big lady to step on me" but where is the love for short girls stepping on you? short girl intimidating you with her presence and body language alone until you fall over and she steps on you?? short girl taking down a girl who's much taller than her and making her submit??? where's the love for my shadow of the colossus bitches???

WHERE'S THE LOVE FOR GIRLS LIKE THIS

op this is a very hot concept and your post is valid but did you HAVE to explain this with a gif from penguins of madagascar

people who live in areas where there are native lizards should never take that for granted. you can just go outside and see a little guy hanging out. what’s better than that?

What’s better is when the little guy starts doing little pushups, to impress another little guy you haven’t spotted yet. Or possibly you.

Im gonna hold an egg in my mouth for 2 hours to challenge myself.

OGAHAGSIGf

here is my quick artists rendition.. it was a primal moment

hi i just wanted to share ops tags from each of these because theyre really Something

buddy that is beyond monkey brain, you went all the way back to reptile brain. These are real Dimetrodon hours.

This is the funniest fucking post on this site.

what the fuck is wrong with uou why would you say that

SHE KILLT SQUEAKY

Whales are cool as fuck and im sick of them being out in the ocean where I can’t see them

i go absolutely ape shit buck wild when people ask me if i want to run errands with them like Let’s Fucking Go. and my mind absolutely maxes out of dopamine when they ask if i wanna stop for coffee. and if someone took me to the park id go bonkers in funcking yonkers

i got so high last night that i started ghostwriting for a golden retriever apparently