☆ Infobord ☆

-> So, I’m new to writing and I know absolutely nothing about what I am doing and how tumblr works?? BUT i have those thoughts and ideas in my head that I desperately need to write down somewhere lmao

Here are some things about me :)

-> I’ll probably write for Enhypen the most! I’d love to try some fake chat things later, because i love those sm.. but probs will write normally for now :)

Feel free to ask anything you wanna know/interests you, I’d love to connect with some people :3

☆ Masterlist ☆

Enhypen

i’m so sick of everything currently, i feel like it’s always me, who gets pushed back, even tho i know many other patients probably got their surgeries pushed back.

But still, i’ve been running around with constant pain since november last year. It’s not only physically draining, it’s mentally unbearable atp. I can’t do things i love anymore, like for example: drawing. I LOVE to draw and i wouldn’t say i’m bad at it too, but my hand has tremors and everything i wanna draw, turns out completely crackled (?) i just can’t draw straight lines and stuff anymore. besides that, i can’t really rotate my hand.

2nd point, i can’t work. I am in constant pain and painkillers don’t help at all sadly. I feel DIRECTLY if i used my arm too much.

3rd point, it’s just unbearable to know, i WILL be in pain, until i got the surgery. I know i will be in pain until June now. Every. fucking. day.

4th point, the recovery. Having to wait for surgery and actually getting it done, is one thing. But the recovery that comes after? It Takes months too. Countless doctor appointments, physiotherapy, the pain after surgery until everythings healed .+ i’ll be at two skz concerts in july, one even being vip, with a freshly operated elbow, not actually what i imagined honestly.

i’m so frustrated idk what to do

Tw

i almost relapsed when i got the call too, but i managed to draw on my arms, instead of hurting myself.

i just feel so helpless

i am at my fucking LIMIT

i am in CONSTANT pain, i lost so much life quality since my accident that broke my elbow.

My surgery was planned for Thursday. LITERALLY THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW. 10th OF APRIL. And today i get a fucking call, telling me, that the surgery will be pushed back, TO FUCKING JUNE.

i seriously can’t do this anymore. I PLANNED EVERYTHING ALREADY. I have a horse to take care of, i organized everything for it, people that take care of him, make the food and everything. I didn’t search for a job because i knew i couldn’t work right after surgery, and for a few weeks, i don’t need to find a new job. i hate everything, seriously.

i’ve had this injury since 30th NOVEMBER 2024 and we’re in APRIL of 2025, that are fucking 5 months.

FIVE months of constant pain. FIVE months of being basically disabled. FIVE months of my live quality constantly shrinking. And FIVE months of my will to live shrinking.

i don’t even know what to do anymore

Okay idk, not a rant tho? i guess at least

i posted some kind of rant on february 2nd,

i was probably at the lowest point of my life i’ve ever been :’)

i’m feeling better now! Not good but better ^_^

I’ve talked some things through with my friends, i somehow ended up booking a trip to rome to see stray kids with them??? omg??? I’ll see skz in frankfurt WITH FREAKING VIP??? (I still don’t know how we managed to get those tickets lmao) and in rome :’)

One negative thing tho, i’ll be getting surgery in april, for my arm/elbow that i broke in the end of november last year 😃

bc of x rays and ct scans, we found out that a part of my biceps tendon is basically bone now???? like i can’t use my arm normally and it HURTTTSSSS 24/7 🥲 i can’t rotate my hand and lower arm normally, i can’t fully extend it and i basically cannot bend it

i’m SO sick of it yall don’t understand, i really hope the surgery will fix this

i’d post an xray or ct pic if anyone wants to see lmao it’s kinda scary??? at least for me, like to know that THIS is in MY arm

alr, i hope i can get back to writing soon, i kinda miss it

love

leni <3

kinda TW i guess

no one will probs read this but idc i need to rant somewhere or i’ll go completely insane

i’m mentally SO fucked up rn

i broke my right elbow on 30th nov last year and i still can’t use my arm normally again it’s so fucking frustrating + i feel so useless bc i can’t do shit anywhere, i didn’t need surgery until now, but my arme is so useless i might have to get surgery and then i have to start all over again with physical therapy and all that shit

i turned nineteen last week and basically everything went wrong??? like i invited 3 people bc i don’t have more friends lmao, 2 of them actually came over and the one that didn’t, textet me at 1 pm that they couldn’t come, mind you, they should’ve been here at 1. I sat there waiting the whole time only for them not to come and text me this late 😃

i’ve been struggling with depression for like 7 years now and i’m at my absolute worst i’ve ever been right now, idk what to do anymore i’m on antidepressants and go to therapy

ON TOP my two best friends decided to not ask me if i wanted to go to a concert with them and just told me they’re going ??? we’re usually going to every concert together btw 🥲 idk but this deeply hurt me

they said it was a “spontaneous idea” 🤡 i remember we always asked in our group chat about such things, even about so called spontaneous things

idk and honestly idc if i’m overreacting, but i’m pissed and hurt, i feel left out and unimportant

today was the first day i seriously “thought” of committing, bc i don’t know what to do with myself anymore, i feel alone, lost and unwanted everything just goes wrong and nothing i do is enough

honestly, the only thing that’s keeping me here is a horse, the exact same horse that broke my elbow btw lmao

sorry if you read all this

- leni

Okayyyy my brain is working… but not for NDA somehow 😃

i’m so sad rn, txt is coming to europe for once and i’m the only one of my friends who couldn’t afford tickets:’)

i’m so frustrated AHHHH