filmmakers and audiences and critics alike all need to start suspending their disbelief again

‘this doesn’t make sense’ so?????

important edition

saw a woman comforting her sobbing child saying “i already told you, you have to keep looking forward, looking back just gets you hurt” and i thought she was sharing a beautiful life lesson about the importance of letting go of regret and resentment. but it turns out the kid just wasn’t looking where he was going and ran into a wall

Doctor: $140,000 a year

Furry artist on Patreon: $160,000 a year

i think you’re lowballing the furry art amount tbh

I’m sorry for the inaccuracies, Doctor Yiff

no matter how I respond to this I don’t look good, well played. i walked right into that

Well, furry artists are typically more competent and courteous than your average doctor, so I can see that.

Did you just legitimately tell me that a person who draws wolf ass is more competent than a dude who spent 8+ years in a university to give you your lung transplant?

doctors are bullshit and furry artists perform an infinitely more valuable service to society compared to them

You will die in 7 days

It took doctor’s like 10 years to diagnose what was wrong with me, some insisting I was faking for attention while a furry artist I knew just went “that sounds like crohn’s” after hearing me complain once and ended up being right

Also I can’t go to a doctor and ask them to draw Rouge the Bat wider than she is tall with tits to match, now can I

You could if you weren’t a fucking coward

World Heritage Post

Art by coolfrogdude together at last

[ID: a comic illustrating the above thread as if it was happening in a theater. The users are mostly shaped like their icons, pukicho is a pikachu and hokuto-ju-no-ken is a gengar. The last panel is gengar looks back where a speech bubble comes out of the crowd to say, “you could if you weren’t a fucking coward.” /end]

I can’t believe I’m actually seeing this post

Magic of tumblr,

I am morally obligated to add the YouTube video whenever this thread crosses my dash

why are dudes in fanfic always getting hit with freight train orgasms. why not an orient express orgasm, classy and romantic. where are the shinkansen train orgasms? his orgasm hit him like the TGV atlantique breaking the passenger rail speed record. like the shanghai maglev, his orgasm was a feat of engineering but something of a commercial disappointment.

Don’t tell me delayed orgasms aren’t a thing

learning new things about the german rail system today

Yeah Mr. Darcy’s proposal was a complete turd and a half but you gotta understand. You got your life together. A good career, stable income, retirement plan, all that shit together. And you meet this girl. And she’s everything. Clever, outspoken, funny, calls you on your bullshit. Grade A cutie, right? And she doesn’t go out of her way to spend time with you but she’s nice, and sometimes you catch her looking your way in a way that makes you think you might have a shot.

But her family. Holy shit.

First off, it’s p much ALL women, and mostly UNMARRIED women, which at this time means of something happens to her dad then you’re financially responsible for like. Four grown ass adults, potentially forever

Because mom in law is DEFINITELY gonna need someone to take care of her when dad in law kicks it, and they have like. NO money. So already you’re accepting that if all goes well, you’re gonna be one random old bag’s retirement home. That’s expensive and exhausting, yeah? Imagine asking someone on a first date knowing that if they say yes and things go good her high-strung chihuahua mother is gonna move in with you. IMAGINE.

And girly’s other sisters. Well, one is a sweetheart, yeah, and she’s getting engaged so she probably won’t be an issue, but that still leaves two more, and those ones are INSUFFERABLE. Never went to school, dumb as rocks, spend cash like it’s toilet paper

And while one of ‘em’s young still and might grow out of it the OTHER one is actively torpedo’ing her entire family’s reputation by wandering off with random dudes and chasing ass. She’s never gonna work, she can’t build connections, she’s a fucking sinkhole, and she’s being led on by the same goddamn con man ass leeching tit who’s been bleeding you dry while telling anyone who’ll listen that your family is full of ratty thieving bastards.

And if he dumps her after a week- WHICH YOU KNOW HIS BITCH ASS IS GONNA- you’ve got a SECOND UNMARRIABLE GROWN ASS ADULT TO PROVIDE FOR. And you KNOW she’s gonna be a tantrum-throwing little shit about it, and it’s not like you can lock her in the basement or something, you’re gonna have to bring her fucking. Everywhere. And give her an allowance and shit while she contributes zero, because again, she NEVER GOT EDUCATED AND HAS NO MARKETABLE SKILLS. She’s not even good to TALK to. FUCK

And you’re looking at this girl’s father like “please for the love of fuck get your spawn under control, marry them off, get them working on their résumé, learning to sew or be nursemaids or manage staff or SOMETHING, yall got no money and one foot in the grave” and that old man just laughs like “haha yeah, what can you do. lol”

So you’re looking to the mom and finally it’s making sense how she got that twitch in her eye and as MUCH as she is you’re starting to realize she’s the SMART one, desperately throwing her armloads of girls at random men like they’re a bunch of fucking lifeboats bobbing around a sinking ship, like yes Jesus Christ sweetly that life boat IS old and ugly and kind of boring but for FUCKS SAKE PICK ONE

And you look back at this girl who is ALSO REFUSING THE LIFE BOATS BY THE WAY and god damn it she’s still the most radiant thing you’ve ever seen so fine, fuck it, Christ alive, you’ll do it. You’ll shoot your shot. She’s everything you’ve ever wanted in anybody abut it’s not even just about that anymore, it’s about being her best fucking shot at a future, and even if she doesn’t like you all that much she’s still gonna say yes and that might break your heart a bit knowing it’s about the money but who knows, maybe it will at least be civil, or companionable, and even if she doesn’t LOVE you at least you’ll know she’s well and cared for

And so you’ll do it. You’ll take on the neurotic stress mess mother in law, the absent father, the broke ass wingnut no brain no money no future airhead sisters, the bad mannered relatives and the embarrassing behaviour and the impending future of sharing your entire shit with a clown parade of freeloaders, you’ll risk it all and accept the absolute certainty of financial ruin and emotional exhaustion for the rest of your whole ass life and you’ll make your own family deal with it too, you’ll do it, you’ll fucking DO IT, you stupid lovesick motherfucker

And so you go to this chick like “look. Your whole family’s a shitshow. You’ve got fucking nothing and you’re gonna die on the street. But for some reason- and I don’t get it either- I’ve fallen in love with you, and I wish I didn’t, but I did, so I’m telling you that whether you like me or not, I’ll give you everything. I’ll give you everything even if it’s the dumbest shit I ever done. Fuck my stupid Baka ass, I’ll marry you.”

And she looks at you- having heard or considered absolutely none of your months-long internal debate and monologue- and goes “The fuck did you just say about my family, you son of a bitch?”

And the shock of that is enough to jolt you back into a reality where you are able to actually hear and process what just came out of your damn mouth And yeah

Yeah, I think I kinda get it

Quetzalcoatlus (with Benedict Cumberbatch for scale)

ok

and our time warp trek back to 2013-era tumblr continues to pick up speed

Bring on the hedgehogs and otters. :)

Five Things orphan_account Said

In Five Things, orphan_account discusses having one of AO3's oldest accounts, preserving fanworks, and being mistaken for a real person. Read more on otw-news.org/yck7a29c

for april fools we’re deleting this entire site sayonara you weeaboo shits

All my haters become aligators when I activate my gatorinator.

you laugh now, but when my gatorinator is ready, it's all over

update:

transmogrifying my haters into an animal that is known for something called the "death roll" has backfired in a manner no one could have forecasted

Having taken stock of the situation, it's not as bad as I originally thought. It's not like these crocodilians are an urgent problem, much less a representation of my own mortality. There's no ticking clock here.

well now you're just doing this on purpose

I think that's the highest tags forecast I have received so far.

...This concept started as a joke, but I'm thinking that I've finally found the story behind it. Maybe I can write it now... :)

more people need to actually pick a side

yall need to pay attention to your surroundings more

When are you freezing cheese?!

???I'm not???

Thawed cheese? As opposed to???

ok maybe there's some more common word for it, but I've only ever heard it as thawing

you mean MELT??? as in MELTED CHEESE????? because it MELTS???????????

No! Melting is completely different!

You just thaw it! And it makes this sound occasionally while it does!

okay I'm gonna need you to explain what "thawing" a cheese means to you. is it bringing a cheese out lf the fridge and wait for it to be room temperature? is it heating it up so it's gooey and soft? i need to understand

No the cheese isn't frozen or cold. I don't know what other way to describe it as other than thawing? It makes a noise occasionally and when it stops it's usually done thawing

What actual change happens to the cheese after it “thaws”

it changes from an un-thawed to a thawed state

it's ready

good to go

What process are you doing to thaw cheese. where do you keep the cheese such that it's not thawed. Which physical properties of the cheese change between thawed and unthawed

ok I cant be the crazy one here. Nobody else thaws their cheese???

I thaw my cheese, but only if I get a block of the stuff, the sliced stuff is better for melting.

THANK YOU!

also ill temporarily forgive you for the sliced cheese comment. but pre-sliced is a sin

no no no i refuse to let this rest until i fully understand

so you. FREEZE the cheese? and then when you want to use it you. THAW it. that's what I'm getting from this conversation. is this correct??

also this might be important: what type of cheese are we talking about. cottage cheese? hard cheese? fake cheese (cheddar)? because i think i might be picturing the wrong type of cheese

no like I said before you don't freeze the cheese! That just dries it out! And the type of cheese doesn't matter. You. Still. Thaw. It.

What I don't understand is the PROCESS. like what is the ORIGINAL STATE OF THE CHEESE. is it just the state it is in when you buy it in the store. or is it cold. or is it room temperature. or is it warm.

and what is the exact process?? microwaving?? warm water??? just leaving it outside in room temp?????

please I seriously need to understand the PROCESS the cheese undergoes. if step-by-step instructions need to be spelt out then so be it but i really REALLY wanna know what's going on

Can you like take a video of the cheese thawing from start to finish to demonstrate the sound it makes and the process of thawing cheese

Unfortunately I can't. I'm at work right now, and I'm heading out on a trip in 2 days so I already cleared out my fridge so nothing'll spoil while I'm gone. But trust me I'd absolutely do that if I could. This is really frustrating and I GUARANTEE if you all saw it you'd immediately recognize what thawing cheese is. I seriously think I'm just unintentionally using a niche regional name for it which is causing all this confusion

OK IM FUCKING BACK!

ill have you all know that the entire time I was gone i couldnt stop thinking about this so im DETERMINED to show you all not only WHAT thawing cheese is, but also what the SOUND is so i can FINALLY have an answer to my ORIGINAL GOD DAMN POLL

i have nothing in my fridge and im tired rn from driving 6 hours so instead of going to the store i'm just gonna swing by my aunt's place and see if she has any cheese that needs thawing

gimme a few minutes

ok looks like im just going to the store. video of thawing cheese when i come back

now the question is will tumblr let me put a poll in the same reblog as a video?

no third option. you have no excuse this time

I hope I'm not just a mutual to you, but someone you want to bring up in irl conversation so you have to awkwardly and cryptically say "my friend..." and refuse to elaborate on my origins or the origins of our friendships

Jin Guang Yao

Happy Birthday 20/2

I know for a fact that my stepmother loves me.

I know it for a fact because the vaccine for the sleeping sickness came out when I was ten, and she cried. When she was a kid, parents would have Sleep Overs whenever someone caught it, in the hopes of spread it around - children were statistically more likely to be woken up by "True Love's Kiss" from a parent or family member, after all, whereas if you caught it when you were older, things got more complicated and if you were old, you might be the last one in your family left.

(There’s more to it than that, I know, I've tried reading the papers, but I barely passed biocurse with a C+, and don't even get me started on organic curses. Those two classes were enough to kill any hope I had of becoming a fairy godperson.)

So, when the vaccine against the sleeping sickness came out, my stepmother cried, and my father got me on the list right away; I wasn't high priority, after all; I was young, there wasn't an active outbreak in my school district, and I was otherwise healthy. But they put me on the backup list anyway, so if there was one, just one available, I could get it.

When the fairy godperson's office called, my dad was at work, but my stepmother bundled me up and drove there so fast I thought we were going to be pulled over. (Later, I found out that she'd gotten an automated ticket from one of the red light cameras, a fact that she hid from both me and my dad.) They called my dad, of course, and he left work, but he also gave the okay for my stepmother to be my medical proxy in case he was delayed.

Vaccines don't last forever, and it was decided that I would be given it without him there. At 100 minutes, my stepmother would try kissing my forehead, and if it didn't work, the office would set me up for the 100 hours it would take before my dad could try.

Magic can't be ignored, but it can be tricked.

It didn't matter. At 100 minutes post-vaccine, my stepmother kissed my forehead and I woke up.

So. I know she loves me.

Since I'm therapist-posting recently:

Legitimately self-compassion is the biggest mental health life hack of all time. I'm NOT talking about self-esteem. You do NOT have to like yourself one bit. You don't have to believe that you're a good person who deserves good things. You just have to believe that you're a person who deserves the things all people deserve.

You can't get from "I'm the Worst" to "I'm a worthy and lovable person" without passing through "I'm just a regular fuckup like everybody else."

Try it on. If you're really addicted to being mean to yourself, you can start by framing it as I'm Not Special. Embrace being a regular fuckup like everybody else.