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Evangelion: 3.0+1.0 Thrice Upon a Time 2021
This is the seventh-longest animated film of all time. A lot of that length comes from it secretly, or not-so-secretly, being two different films mashed together. The first half and second half are so tonally and aesthetically dissonant that only Victor Frankenstein could have looked at them and decided to stitch them together. It really is a monster.
The film knows it, too. Every aspect of the story has this stitched-together, agglomerate aspect to it. The soundtrack is the most…
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Rap World 2024
I wasn't sure whether to even log this, as it's only dubiously a "movie." Whatever.
I also wasn't sure exactly how much I liked it. It's funny, certainly, but so much of the humor derives from the extremely specific 2009 nostalgia that imbues every moment of this film. How much of this is funny because I, too, was there in 2009, doing a lot of this same stupidity? (Instead of making a rap album, my friends and I once tried…
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Night Is Short, Walk On Girl 2017
A perfect storm of elements I detest in movies. An insufferably hollow manic pixie dreamgirl protagonist, a disjointed and episodic narrative, random quirkiness, pretensions toward philosophy. Filled me with powerful negative feelings.
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Star Trek 2009
In 09 in theaters I remember feeling like this was a novel, exciting new blockbuster, but on rewatch it couldn't be more tired. A bunch of basic plot beats, a bunch of MCU-style quipping, and an absurd number of winks to the diehards with references tossed out left and right. But the core of the story is flimsy, the villain is a nonentity, and the spectacle no longer has the shiny luster its over-reliance on lens flare desperately wants it…
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