I want to write an alternative version of Romeo and Juliet where instead of being a little ponce and trying to work things out for himself, Romeo asks his smarter friends what to do about the whole thing and Benvolio and Mercutio come up with the world’s greatest plan:

Marriage of convenience between Juliet and Mercutio.

Think about it.

Juliet’s parents want her to marry into the Prince’s family. Mercutio is a good compromise between no marriage and Paris.

Mercutio probably won’t get his inheritance if he keeps being HELLA FUCKING GAY ALL OVER THE PLACE so a beard is only a benefit to him.

They would probably get along great rolling their eyes at how adorably stupid Romeo is.

Romeo and Benvolio could get a “bachelor pad” right next to Juliet and Mercutio’s house. Every night, Romeo and Mercutio high five as they hop the fence to go bang their one true love.

The second half of the play is just all of them trying to keep up the charade and being “THIS CLOSE” to getting caught all the time. But everything ends nicely because true love conquers all.

Everybody wins. Nobody dies.

THE SHAKESPERE AU I NEVER KNEW I NEEDED

DUDE DID YOU JUST FIX ONE OF THE MOST ICONIC PLAYS EVER CREATED?!

ONCE AGAIN EVERYTHING IS SOLVED BY THE QUEER LENS.

@zombeesknees @vonpeeps

no sentence fills me with utter loathing so much as "i asked chatgpt"

DELETE THIS POST

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME

*clicks play in morbid curiosity*

*hammers reblog button*

I think I find this post every April Fools Day and I am so happy that I do

Ikrit almost spat out his smoothie XD

How am I only just learning this!?

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Wait

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IT WORKS

Is this new???? I've been wanting wildcard relationship search for YEARS 😍😍😍

My multishipping ass is about to go ham...

helpful info for those who need it

Explanation of what this does for anyone confused!

girl if I saw this in public I’d short circuit

@zombeesknees

The evolution of (trans) man.

(Well, this one, anyway.)

The world may be full of uncertainty and danger, but I resolve to continue to find joy in who I am. Be joyful to be kind to yourself and be joyful to spite the bastards who would tear us apart.

Damn. We're about the same age - I'll be 47 this summer - and the nostalgic pulsation from these photos' time-and-place vibes are nothing compared to the nuclear-fallout-level radioactive longing I feel looking at that GlamourShots® portrait.

I would have given EVERYTHING to have been able to walk into a GlamourShots® studio and have my hair and makeup done and pick out the very best denim wardrobe and be made Glamorous, but that wasn't something socially permitted to "boys"* back in the 80s and 90s when GlamourShots® existed. I had loads of cis girl cousins around my age, so I was struck by renewed envy at every milestone and graduation my cis cousins celebrated.

I did genuinely look for GlamourShots® once I'd transitioned to see if I could fulfill this childhood ache, but alas, they'd gone out of business long before.

*I was not a boy and OP was, so, more accurately, through a quirk of time and culture, it was not permitted to closeted/unrealized trans girls, while also being forced upon closeted/unrealized trans boys with frightening regularity. Unknowingly torturing trans kids was simply the style at the time. As was knowingly. And as seems to be the style of this time as well. Hmm. Interesting.

Why do you need to take this moment to express dysphoric jealousy towards another trans person? When it’s about how he suffered through that.

You know what I do when I as someone FTM see something similar (in reverse) and feel inward jealousy at the pre-transition life opportunities of someone MTF spectrum?

I keep it to myself. Because that shit is disrespectful. I remind myself that it actually harmed that person, and my itch to focus on my jealousy would be selfish to express to them.

Much like seeing someone’s story who let’s say, went through forced gay “prison marriage” and saying “wow I wish *I* could’ve been in one of those haha I’m actually gay so it would be the dream” and meanwhile they’re a hetero SA survivor for it.

Time and place! Matters!

So sick of people feeling entitled to talk this way to us as FTM ppl specifically. We are people and not walking cis-female-looking bodies to project jealousy onto. There’s a person in there who hated that and doesn’t need to hear you feel entitled to mouth off and put your foot in your mouth and say all that.

Tact. Come on.

I'm gonna poke my head in here and want to acknowledge that @brinconvenient did make it a point to say how the 1980s Rite-of-Passage that was Glamour Shots hurt both trans girls and trans boys. I appreciate her making that point, and I took her overall post as simply being, "oh man, I would have loved to partake in this teenage ritual that so many still see as cringe". She didn't tell me I was pretty as a girl, which is more than what cis people do. I also think she adequately acknowledged this was torture for me. So, I understand the desire to step in here, but Brin expressed her sadness at lost nostalgia fine, even if it was my post to springboard off of. Trans folks need to feel safe expressing grief at lost childhoods with each other. There can be a fine line of that grief spilling over into jealousy, but I do not feel like it was crossed here. You still might be hurt by it as your boundaries are different than mine, and I do not want to tell you how to feel, but I was not hurt.

I love how the INTERPOL pretzel cart is actually really good pretzels.

Does INTERPOL just have such a huge pretzel cart disguise budget that they get the highest quality of pretzels available? Did they specifically select the agent with the greatest proficiency for making pretzels?

Or maybe they put an agent on pretzel cart surveillance duty years ago, and he thought of it as just another undercover job, making his shitty pretzels and reporting back to his masters, but then something he never expected happened. He started to care about the pretzels he was making and selling. He got in too deep. The espionage was suddenly secondary to his true calling: making the best damn pretzels he could and selling them to hungry people near the area of interest.

It’s the INTERPOL version of Eliot.

Dude, Eliot probably knows him. (Those pretzels are very distinctive!) They hang out sometimes, swap recipes, bitch about yeast not cooperating when you really need it to, and compare knife blades. Eliot brings him a thermos of tea when he’s stuck working in inclement weather and in return, he makes sure to sneak vitamin powder into the pretzels he sells to Hardison because they both know how few vegetables Hardison ever eats.

I feel like Sterling drives a major policy change stating that if a food vendor is used as cover to case a place Eliot Spencer is known to frequent, it has to be quality food

after like six seperate instances of Eliot taking a bite, staring right into the hidden camera, and saying “seriously, Sterling?”

#this is what happens in a fandom with little new material#we get excited about pretzel trucks (via aegialia)

5 Times Elliot Ruined Someone’s Cover Because of Food and 1 Time Elliot Blew His Own Cover Because of Food

It took me five years to write it, but I finally finished the 5+1 fic inspired by this post! Updating weekly, just posted chapter two, chapter one starts here:

Thanks to everyone on this amazing thread for the inspiration!

This is a fucking delight

Book from 1911 showing that taking photos of cats and furnishing them with an amusing caption is far from being a phenomenon born with the internet. More here: https://publicdomainreview.org/collection/kittens-and-cats-a-first-reader-1911-cats-and-captions-before-the-internet-age #NationalCatDay

I don’t think the main goal is mass deportation. I’m at work rn and will elaborate.

Currently there are huge detainment camp being built in Texas for ICE. Slavery is legal in the case of prisoners. “How will we have field workers if they’re all in detainment camps?” Girl they will still be field workers, but under the thumb of for-profit prisons owners. Will elaborate further w/ but do you see what I’m saying??

Once more: if slavery is legal in the case of prisoners according to the constitution, if Texas (who has the largest amount of profit prisons) and Mississippi both have plans on building large scale detainment camps for undocumented immigrants to hold them indefinitely as per one of Trump’s executive orders, and if there is a large labor vacuum as undocumented immigrants are arrested and in hiding, what do you think is about to happen?

me talking in the tags on tumblr dot com

Me reading your tags on tumblr dot com

me responding to your tags on tumblr dot com

@zombeesknees

It’s uncanny how similar Trump is acting like Hitler. People are now doing the Nazi salute. They’re drawing the symbol. The KKK was seen in Kentucky asking people to join them. ICE has been ripping families apart. Companies have pulled back Diversity Initiatives. We’re no longer part of WHO and there won’t be any communication from the CDC at least until February 1st. We’re being censored and the news can’t be trusted. Thousands of Americans didn’t know there were protests against Trump yesterday outside the U.S. Quotes from The Handmaid’s Tale and Anne Frank have been compared to what’s going on right now.

According to The Lemkin Institute for Genocide Studies and Prevention the U.S. has officially been given a red flag alert for Genocide.

I’m exhausted but I will never stop being angry.

The first country that the Nazi's conquered was their own.

A true story from 1928 with a few artistic embellishments.

(And starring my disaster boys Jack and Al, of course)

@zombeesknees !

😩 i cant deal with this dawg

So you don't have to Google everything like I did

Does the diagram have pixel-blurred genitals?

Yes bc in Italy grabbing your balls is a sign to ward off bad luck

posted on Kate Bornstein's substack