niddle widdles

Speaking of porn logistics, another personal favourite bit of fuckery is when an artist draws a picture containing multiple dicks, then produces a separate alt for every possible ejaculatory configuration, like there are four dicks and sixteen alts such that there's a version where only dick A is jizzing, a version where only dick B is jizzing, a version where dicks A and B but not C are jizzing, and so forth. I'm imagining some high-class dick connoisseur with exquisitely rarefied tastes out there like "yes, I want to see this character getting jizzed on, but only by the dick on the far left – the other dicks can wait their turn".

Some day I'm going to write a spy thriller where it turns out that the conspirators are sending coded messages via those E-Hentai galleries full of endless microscopically differing jizz alts, where each image contains four dicks and each dick serves as a one-bit component of a hexadecimal encoding.

Brb gotta encode national secrets into my hentai art

Hey fun facts that are fun together :

* as a reverse engineer, I have worked on extracting these sorts of arts from hentai games.

* the game art does this sort of thing so that the story can toggle between different versions. Maybe you didn't get enough Friendship Points with Tgirl Jessica, so she's not ejaculating in this picture.

* the games are often smarter about this than the galleries: instead of storing every combination of ejaculating/not-ejaculating, they store 1 base image, then separate per-dick ejaculatory overlays. So if you've got 4 dicks, this means they have 5 images instead of all 16 possibilities. But this makes no sense in an image gallery, so you have to compose the images together. You'd think all-off and all-on are the only options you need, but some people are content maximalists. (it's possible site policies regarding quotas and stuff is encouraging this behavior).

* around the same time I was working on tools to extract images from hentai games, I also was working on tools to steganographically hide files inside images, in several ways. This was in part because I was working with 4chan at the time and helping them catch files hidden inside images, because channers were turning 4chan into an arbitrary file sharing site (is it a jpeg or a neutral milk hotel album? It's both!), using it to bypass filtering/moderation (you put an image inside an image and now you can't see the internal image unless you extract it. Maybe it breaks the rules. Breaking the rules on /b/ is very bad), or hiding viruses in there (viruses that then post themselves back to 4chan and the cycle continues!)

* This is also when I worked for the US government

So all those facts put together, I'll just say that IF it turns out secret government agents were hiding confidential information encoded into the images of hentai game ejaculations galleries, then... it was me, and I did it back in 2009.

Foone Turing, the trans Ian Fleming for the digital age.

Throwback to a piece i did for zukki week. just some besties chilling by the pond nothing to see here-

straight people are so fascinating even when they aren't actively trying to be homophobic. I had a class a few years ago where one assignment was to summarize some eighth century arabic poetry about going out for drinks with the lads before indulging in some gay sex and like half the class came in and said "I'm sorry idk what was happening in this one, they mention having sex with a servant but they also say the servant's a man? where'd the woman come from? I'm so confused." and a few days ago in a shakespeare class I made a comment about how cleopatra and octavius caesar are kind of parallel characters in possessively bartering for mark antony's attention and one of my classmates responded as though I'd been talking about octavia and not caesar, despite the fact that I said "caesar" and "him" multiple times while describing the actions he specifically took. fully incapable of comprehending of anything that's even a little bit gay.

why are cyberpunk tabletop things so obsessed with decency and personhood being tied to how many surgeries you haven’t had

“if you have a prosthetic it takes out a part of your soul” like thanks shadowrun

in early cyberpunk, the point was more along the lines of “if we integrate technology into our bodies we risk becoming dependent upon the people and institutions who control that technology, who would then use that to enrich themselves at our expense”

unfortunately that was too anti-corporate for American mainstream culture so as cyberpunk moved out of its niche it became “uhhh it eats your soul I guess”

tags by @rubyvroom: 

#this is important context #if you weren’t around at the time it is easy to miss but #anti-corporate sentiment was pretty much the lynchpin of cyberpunk until there were movies and games making money off it #it was the 1980s you guys #the entire point was that corporations are evil and technology should be used to circumvent them and escape their control over our lives #and not be used to make ourselves into another product #now that the internet is entirely monetized and corporate it’s harder to remember that originally it was synonymous w freedom & independence

Yes, exactly. Cyberpunk is anti-corporations, not anti-body-modification.

#the real horror is medical debt ( tag via @bronanlynch )

when the chinese restaurant has wide sprite 🤤🤤

“average person eats 3 spiders a year” factoid actualy just statistical error. average person eats 0 spiders per year. Spiders Georg, who lives in cave & eats over 10,000 each day, is an outlier adn should not have been counted

#tapping the reblog button with utmost care because i’m handling a historical artifact (via @malarkiness)

holy shit OP is not only still active but is still making absolutely banger posts in this exact style 11 years later

who’s cunt dracula. is she single

hey when you make posts, i just want you to know, thou/thee/thy/thine/ye are like he/you(object)/your/yours/you(subject) okay? "thou art wearing shoes," "i will wear shoes for thee," okay?

you say thine if the next word starts with a vowel and thy if the next word starts with a consonant and they both mean "your" so "thine own shoes," "thy shoes," okay?

and ye means you and refers to the subject of a sentence, "ye members of the brotherhood of shoes," okay? you need this information to create better knight yaoi. i'm personally more interested in nun yuri but we are a community

I just know that the dudes who make those "girls get 500 compliments a day vs. guy gets one compliment once and cherishes it for the rest of his life" memes put zero effort into their appearance. Like what exactly do you expect people to say? Wow nice plain ill-fitting hoodie, goes great with your basic-ass blue jeans and nondescript haircut. Got some real cool Grey Man vibes going on, you could seamlessly blend into any crowd ever without being seen at all.

Like nobody has any obligation to look any certain way, but you can't expect to be praised for doing something you're not even trying to do. I dress like I got tarred and feathered in a Tim Burton film costume department discard scrap pile, and someone saying they like my style is a biweekly occurrence.

santa put me on the Nuanced list this year

"Don't worry my beautiful mutual, I'll save you!" *Changes your two note flop post into a four note flop post*

Alright workout for today is 5 sets of knee pops and 4 sets of back pain

trains are extremely sexual actually, have you seen couplers????

thats nothing, check out this scharfenberg coupler

First they fuck, then they kiss

first they made it mandatory to log in everywhere. create an account to download your free template Log in to access resource give us your email nowwwww. Now the humble password is being killed too. open your magic email link! type your 6 digit code that we texted you because we required your email and your phone number! we’re gonna call you and whisper a code sweetly in your ear so you can log in to your account. yes it has a password but you cant use that anymore. okay? poob is gonna call you. now poob is just gonna call you.

This is funny but the realness is genuinely upsetting me smh

I promise I'm really smart it's just all my best thoughts get lost in The Fog