@solomontoaster / solomontoaster.tumblr.com
taking the porn off tumblr just made us all hornier. it used to be that we’d only sexualize basic things, like human bodies. but now?? you wouldn’t believe the things my mutuals are getting off to
2016 tumblr porn: straight up just a gif of penis in vagina
2025 tumblr porn: video of someone slowly bringing a magnet to a CRT tv screen while static is playing
A comic based on this poem
"gay or european" also goes for middle-aged women btw. that lady with short hair no makeup and sneakers isn't a lesbian she's just german
Not “Only my reading of canon is correct” or “Interpretations are subjective and all valid” but a secret third thing, “More than one interpretation can be valid but there’s a reason your English teacher had you cite quotes and examples in your papers, you have to have a strong argument that your interpretation is actually supported by the text or it is just wrong and I’m fine with telling you it’s wrong, actually.”
If the text says the curtains are blue you can argue about what that means; but if you’re going to claim they’re actually yellow you’d better have a really good argument.
Got his ass together in three words
Okay but frog genitalia are internal whereas male rats have among the largest proportionate ballsacks of any animal.
😅 What's a story or scene you've created that you're a smidge embarrassed exists?
🥺 Is there a certain type of moment or common interaction between your characters that never fails to put you in your feels?
🤡 What's a line, scene, or exchange you've written that made you laugh?
😈 Has there been a point in a story where you did something just to be playfully mean to your readers?
✍ Do you have a beta reader?
🛒 What are some common things you incorporate in your fics? Themes, feels, scenes, imagery, etc.
🎢 Which of your fics would you call your wildest ride?
✨ Give you and your writing a compliment. Go on now. You know you deserve it. 😉
💋 First kiss fics. Love em or hate em?
🎶 Do you listen to music while you write? What song have you been playing on loop lately?
🛠What tools/programs/apps do you use to write?
⛔ Do you have a fic you started, but scrapped?
🙋♀️ Do any irl people know you write fanfic?
🍦 What's the sweetest fic you've created so far?
🍷 Do you drink and write?
🍆 Do you write the spicy stuffs? If so, what's your most popular nsfw fic?
🌞 Do you have a preferred time of day to write?
💖 What made you start writing?
💌 How do you feel about comments and feedback?
❌ What's a trope you will never write?
💲 Would you ever open commissions?
🧐 Do you spend much time researching for your stories?
🏆 What's your most popular fic?
🎃 Do you write fics for certain holidays? Which is your favorite holiday inspired fic?
🎯 Have any of your readers accurately guessed major plot points? Care to share which?
🎨 How do you feel about fan art of your stories?
📈 How many fics do you have?
🦅 Do you outline fics or fly by the seat of your pants?
👀 Tell me about an up and coming wip please!
🤗 What advice would you give to new fanfic writers that are just getting started?
💞 Who's your comfort character?
🧠 Pick a character, and I'll tell you my favorite headcanon for them.
🤩 Who is your favorite character to write?
🤲 Would you please share a snippet of a wip?
😬 Which of your fics would you be most horrified for friends, family, or coworkers to stumble upon?
🎉 What leads you to consider a fic a success?
✅ What's something that appears in your fics over and over and over again, even if you don't mean to?
📚 Would you ever want to turn writing into a career?
⌛ How long does it take you to write a fic, or a chapter?
🤯 What's a genre you struggle with as a writer (ex. romance, action, etc.)?
💔 Is there a fic of yours that broke your heart?
💥 How do you feel about criticism?
🤭 Do you have a favorite tag to use when posting your works?
🥰 How do you feel about reader interaction? Are you open to receiving questions about your fics?
Happy Birthday Big Bill!
funny you should mention that
I understand some of you are 19 but that is not an old man, he's 32.
icymi, tumblr used to do an elaborate april fool's prank every year, but this year they suddenly stopped. here's a somewhat detailed recap of everything they did over the decade:
2013 - mishapocalypse (honourable mention): tumblr staff didn’t start doing april fools until 2014, but the mishapocalypse happened on tumblr in 2013 and i feel like this list would be incomplete without it
2014 - tumblrpro: upon opening your dash you were greeted by an “inspirational” video, that ended with the option to get “tumblrpro (for free)”. all it did was put a top hat on your icon.
2015 - tumblr executivesuite/coppy: a copying machine appeared in the corner of your dash. it would offer tips on how to use tumblr, like clippy the paperclip used to do in microsoft word. as the day went on, it slowly broke down and died right in front of your eyes. many people hated him (but not me). you could also make a (small) spreadsheet. @executivesuite2016 is the official blog.
2016 - this is decision/lizard election/tumblrdecides: a parody of the 2016 US elections. there were 4 lizards (well, one of them turned out to be a salamander in a scandal) to vote for. the dash looked different and there was a live news report with election updates, as well as an election blog for each lizard. they all had their own slogans and you would get an "i voted" button after you voted that would get slapped next to your icon. there were built-in functions to make an election poster for your favourite lizard and to create a text post that supported your lizard of choice that autogenerated a statement for all your followers to read. imo tumblr’s april fools peak. @thisisdecision2016-blog is the official blog, @mop-2016-blog @wretchedtooth @timefordeborah-blog were candidates. rick also had a blog (rick-official) but that now seems to have vanished because he ended up dropping out of the election. mop won, if you're curious. by far the most elaborate prank tumblr ever did.
2017 - horse friend: a tamagotchi-inspired game where you had to take care of a little horse in the corner of your screen. it came with a randomly generated name, and you had to feed and clean up after it. if you didnt take good care of it, it died. you could then hatch (yes, hatch) a new one. there was also an option to look at the names of all your dead horses. this is now available to buy in the tumblr shop. @horse-friends is the official blog.
2018 - tumblcoin: a parody of cryptocurrency (this was the year bitcoin took off). you could ‘invest’ in tumblcoin, with which you could in turn buy things with to spice up your dash, including last year’s horse friend, coppy from 2015, and a frame for around your icon. you could share the amount of tumblcoin you owned in an automatically generated gif post which would be tagged #tbc2018 and #tumblcoin. @tumblcoin is the official blog.
2019 - @memories: this blog still functions the way it did on april fools itself! it's like mad libs, where it takes post templates and then adds in tags you use a lot and users you frequently interact with on your main blog. like a personalized shitpost bot.
2020 - group chat prank/@storybot: it was so hard to find info on this because it was contained entirely in the now-defunct group chat function, which no one used. i had to go through the notes of this post for information because no one cared enough to actually write anything explaining it. turns out, you could write a story with your mutuals by adding storybot to your group chat. it also kept working after april fools (well, up until the group chats were deleted) just like memories. many people missed out on it entirely because they did not use the group chat function.
2021 - tumblcryptids: tumblr allowed you to adopt “non-fungible tumblcryptids”, a parody of NFTs. clicking a button that said "Summon thy Tumblrcryptid" would spawn an image of a little blob-shaped creature with a short description, which would always read "Hi! My name is [randomly generated name]. I love [thing most people like]. I hate [thing most people dislike]. Like my parent, I can't get enough of #[tag from your main blog]." you could share them in a post, which would automatically add the tag #NFTumblcryptids to your post. and yes, people on the piss on the poor website freaked out about it because they thought they were real NFTs harming the environment. @tumblcryptidadoptioncenter is the official blog.
2022 - click-a-thon: when you clicked a light switch on your dashboard, a bunch of colourful things showed up, like a sponge you could move around, an "engagament meter", clickable buttons, and a “Summon Crab!” button, which would summon a crab when you clicked it. you could. the crabs, like horse friend, are still available in the tumblr store as of 2025. here's some screenshots. there were various ways to share your crab activities, which would all get tagged #april fools 2022. the prank was presented as a marketing technique created by Brick Whartley, a fictional businessman character created by tumblr, who (afaik) originated in a post on the official blog of the 2018 april fools prank, albeit originally in a different role. around this time he also started functioning as the mascot for tumblr's shop ( @emporium )
2023 - abstract reactions (emoji reacts): buttons were added to every post that allowed you to add emoji reactions, many of them based on tumblr inside jokes (horse as a reference to horse plinko/horse friend, vanilla for the vanilla extract meme, pikaman, bug for bug race, and brick whartley, who wasn't a meme but staff really wanted him to be). if one specific emoji was used a certain amount of times it would add an effect to the post, eg many cheese emoji reacts would cover the post in cheese. this was also attributed to Brick Whartley ("his" blog @brickwhartley also documented the day)
2024 - boop-o-meter: allowed you to “boop” other users who had opted in to the booping, like facebook’s poke feature back in the day. depending on how long you held the button, you would either boop, super boop, or evil boop. on the dashboard there was a counter for both how many times you had booped others and how many times others had booped you, as well as how many boops were given side-wide. when booping someone, an image of a cat paw appeared. you would get badges (which can still be used) for booping 1, 100 and 1000 times. if you got more than 999 boops, the counter would simply say “WOW”. this was brought back for halloween 2024 (as BOOp-o-meter. get it), with a ghost, skeleton and mummy paw. no official blog, but here's an official recap for april first from staff. i believe this was the only april fools prank that was mobile user friendly.
2025 - @fandom is running some polls, i guess
university professors love to create the most fucked up pdf ever known to mankind. it's enrichment for them.
what HAPPENED here
Have you ever looked closely at a car windshield?
The edge of the glass is painted where it is glued to the car but it has these small dots between the clear and painted glass.
These are there for a reason. When the sun hits the glass the painted areas and the clear areas will absorb heat at different rates. This causes the glass to expand and contract differently putting stress on the glass.
These dots help the glass to warm up more evenly over a larger area so the glass does not suffer stress that could cause it to spontaneously explode.
Fun fact: the Tesla cybertruck doesn’t have these.
Yes, the glass will spontaneously crack or explode in the sun.
@rhys-ravenfeather I think you’d get a laugh out of this
Being trans and working in an office is funny sometimes
My boss: I have a question for you
Me, thinking: oh fuck I messed something up didn't I
My boss: a personal question
Me, still thinking: ah, this is about my penis. I know these matters well
You truly are a fucking saint and I hope that kid knows you're the reason why because I would've KILLED for that kind of leeway as a teenager
Be careful though, some day you'll get blind sided. When I worked in pharmaceutical manufacturing I never really came out as trans, but I still didn't pass well and often talked about things that would only have happened if I'd been born female. I never came out, but I knew everyone knew. One day, one of my more socially unaware coworkers asked if he could ask me a personal question. I said sure, and he lead me away from the group to a side hallway where no one else was around. And then he dropped the question:
"If they made a real jurassic park, would you go?"
Reblog if you would go
the secret to life is always having something to look forward to
to anyone saying there's nothing to look forward to, I'm not saying it has to be anything spectacular or huge. it could just be a song or a book that will release in a few days, a tv show, anything!! no matter how small it seems it can keep us going
Quick! Put in the tags what you’re looking forward to right now!
I’ll go first: Im gonna go out to try a new restaurant this week with a friend!!
imagine if it were that easy
