៳ₑₐ𝑛𝑡 𝑡ₒ 𝑏ₑ 𝑡ₒ𝑔ₑ𝑡ⲏₑᵣ
Pairing: Huening Kai × Reader
Genre: angst to fluff, romance, lovers to friends to lovers
A/N: this took me quite a while to finish, but thank you for requesting and being patient with me, nonnie! I had so much fun writing this, please feel free to request more in the future!!
“We should break up”, those were the words you uttered exactly 2 years ago. Now, as you were tossing around restlessly in bed, all the memories took over you, again.
It was, or, rather, could have been your 7 year anniversary with Kai, that is if you didn't break up.
“I respect and agree with your decision, we really should break up, at least for now, Y/N”, the scene was getting replayed in your head for the Nth time, reminding you of a broken record.
You still remembered the hug Kai gave you before taking his leave, the pained look on his face. You remembered everything as if it happened only yesterday, but, sadly, that wasn’t the case.
You stayed friends and you shouldn’t have a thing to grieve about, right? Perhaps you were just being a bit ungrateful, but, no matter how much you appreciated Kai’s presence as your friend, you still wanted things back like they were 2 years ago.
Well, not every thing, you definitely wouldn’t want to get back into the mental state you were in back at the time.
Getting only deeper into the mess day by day, you clung onto Kai as the last straw that could bring you back to normal life. That wasn’t the right thing to do, for neither of you. You couldn’t put all the weight of your worries and struggles onto Kai’s shoulders. No matter how badly he wanted to help you, he would never get you out of your state on his own - he simply wouldn’t handle it. And you knew it. Even Kai couldn’t deny that you were right in a way: concentrating all your will to live on him only wasn't the right decision.
But, you knew Kai would never leave you alone in such a state and you were grateful for that. You decided to stay as friends, that was the best decision for both of you: while not letting you grow completely dependent on him, Kai still helped you as much as he could. With his assistance and immeasurable care, you slowly, but surely, made it: you got back to your best. You felt the life rushing through your veins, the energy taking over you again, you no longer were the poor mess that had to depend on your boyfriend for little things. Kai was so happy to see you get better. Sometimes, it felt like he was even happier for you than you yourself were.
Now, having finally gotten back into exploring new things, finally having found a job that could bring you joy, with new people surrounding you, your life felt full, complete, almost perfect.
Kai, through these years, had always remained by your side, cheering and rooting for you. But, you couldn’t deny that you missed him as your partner. You always viewed Kai as a great friend, a great person, a great boyfriend. He was truly the right person for you. But, could you say the same about yourself? Were you the true right one for him?
That definitely wasn’t the case 2 years ago. Naturally, everyone has their ups and downs, everyone struggles, but, you felt like you were dragging both of you down in your past relationship. And you never thought it was right.
Kai definitely loved and cared for you, even now. It was as clear as day. But, could you really bring happiness and joy into his life? Even now, having returned your strength, you doubted that.
“What if I go down again? What if history repeats itself?”
Such thoughts never let you go, making you unsure on what would be the right decision in the current situation.
On one hand, since you both seemed to hold mutual feelings, why not get together? But, on the other hand, what if your feelings were wrong, what if you never were meant for each other? What if you only fed up your illusions, what if the only right way was to part your ways completely? It was obvious you couldn't stay as friends only, but would getting back together make the right step?
There were too many “what if’s”...
But, then it hit you: neither of you ever tried dating someone else during these 2 years. Even if you were never meant to be together, would the separation make any of you happier? It probably would hurt both of you just as much.
But then, why fight your feelings? If burning all the possible bridges the two of you built during these years wouldn’t make the right decision, why not listen to your heart and try getting back together?
You couldn’t foretell your fate, but you were sure you’d make it your destiny to be by each other’s side.
It's not like your relationship started out of the blue. The feelings slowly built up during the long years of your friendship. You would never bring yourself to tear apart the bonds that tied you for so long.
Was it even possible, to begin with? Even if you'd part your ways physically, you were sure you'd never get one another out of your hearts and minds.
Sticking to each other through all the hardships seemed to be the only solution for you. You always would struggle and go through something, but that's the way life is. You knew that in the end you'd make it, you two would make it through.
On that note your gaze wandered to the clock. It was almost 4 am…
Calling Kai right now definitely wouldn't be the right thing to do. “I should let him rest properly and call him in the morning”, you thought.
The thoughts of your possible reunion brought some peace to your restless mind - you finally fell asleep at dawn.
Having woken up when the afternoon was behind, you were glad you had a day off.
Checking your phone, you saw a “good morning” text from Kai. He was so considerate, even though you weren’t currently in a relationship… Oh, the message was sent a good few hours ago. He probably was worrying right now about what took you so long to reply.
“Morning, or, rather, afternoon, Kai! Do you have some spare time to meet up today? It’s nothing of urgency, but I’d really want to discuss something with you if you have time, of course.” you clicked “send”, finally getting out of bed to prepare for the day.
Despite being busy with work, Kai replied relatively quickly. “Of course I can spare some time for you, Y/N! How does 7 pm at the nearby café sound?”
“We don’t have to make it so officially, Kai, you could just come to my place, I don’t mind.” You quickly texted back, not wanting him to go out of the way just to meet with you.
“Ah, if you’re okay with it, then sure! I’ll come once I’m done with work.”
You hearted the message before going to clean up your apartment. You had plenty of time to run all your errands before the evening comes and Kai's day at work ends.
While occupying yourself with work all day, you hadn’t noticed how fast time flew. Once 7 o’clock struck, your entire flat was cleaned from top to bottom, a nice dinner prepared to satisfy the hunger of the two of you and create a more cozy vibe. You were going to have a serious talk, so trying to bring up a warm atmosphere definitely wouldn't hurt.
You knew Kai would come within the next half an hour. While waiting, you sat by the window, looking at the sky that was slowly turning pink and orange as the sun set down.
The view was unspeakably beautiful and soothing. The colors, in a way, seemed to represent Kai’s cheerful personality. The color orange radiated just as much warmth and joy as Kai did, meanwhile the color pink reminded you of his tender and sweet personality.
As you were looking outside, you suddenly noticed a familiar figure walking to your house. The sun rays playing on Kai’s figure only added to the feeling of warmth and comfort that he always brought with his presence.
Once Kai got closer, he looked up at your windows, noticing you. You waved, a warm smile tugging your lips: you were always so happy to see him. Kai’s presence alone could make your day ten times better. Even when you were going through something, a text or a word from him already calmed your mind.
Kai waved back, the usual broad cheerful smile that was so dear to you appearing on his face right away.
You quickly got up to open the door. The nervousness that was getting to you because of the anticipated talk faded by the calmness and understanding that seemed to radiate off Kai.
He always was so considerate and caring, he definitely would understand you and would never do anything to hurt you in any possible way or form. You trusted him so, so much, like you’ve never trusted anyone before. Kai never doubted you or disregarded your or anyone’s feelings. He always seemed to understand everyone and everything. In all honesty, you wanted to be just as comforting and understanding as Kai was to everyone.
“Hii, Kai!” you greeted, the smile never leaving your face.
“Evening!”, he stepped into your apartment, pulling you in a quick yet gentle hug that both of you got so used to.
“I’m so glad you came, I wanted to discuss something that has been on my mind for a while now…But, come on in first, I got us some food.” you invited him straight to the kitchen.
“Ahh, that’s so sweet of you, Y/N, but there really was no need…”
You didn’t let him finish, interrupting in the middle of the sentence. “But, Kai, there was a need, I know you're starving after work and our meetup didn’t let you get dinner first.”
“Well, you’re right about that”, Kai didn’t push it, happy himself to share a meal with you: it’s been so long since you last did.
After washing your hands, you two sat down at the table. Your kitchen was just perfectly placed: all the rays of the setting sun got in at the right angle, lighting up the room and creating just the needed atmosphere.
You ate in silence for a while, letting Kai relax a little after work while you gathered your thoughts together.
“How’s work?” You asked after a few minutes, starting with a small chat.
“Ah, everything’s going quite alright; we’re doing better this month, actually. What about yours?”
“Oh, that’s great! I'm doing fine with mine, too.” You shifted in your seat, unsure on how to turn the conversation to the wanted topic, but decided to simply state things as they are. If only it would be just as easy to do as to say...
“Um, Kai, the thing I wanted to talk about…it's actually about us.” You glanced up, looking for all the possible reactions. When you did, Kai was already looking at you. Seems like he expected the topic to be brought up at some point.
However, his gaze wasn’t judging or hostile; on the contrary, it was encouraging, with a hint of relief that the topic was finally brought up, almost pleading for you to continue.
You took a deep breath in, once again looking up at Kai for the support you so needed at the moment.
“Yes, Y/N, I’m listening”, he smiled slightly, although it was obvious that he himself was rather nervous, afraid of what you were going to say next.
In the end, there were only two ways for you: to either stay together, but only as a couple, or part your ways completely. Which one would you choose, the thought alone made his worries escalate.
After a few moments of deafening silence, you finally began your speech. You had so many unspoken thoughts and feelings to share, you felt like you'd never stop talking.
But, you had to share every single thought that came to your mind, you had to be truthful and honest as much as you could - after all, the outcome solely depended on your honesty with Kai and yourself, to begin with, and your ability to express yourself and your emotions.
Before you began, you felt like you were suffocating in the endless kaleidoscope of your thoughts, but as you kept on speaking, it felt like a massive weight was being taken off your chest. Even if things don’t end up working out the way you want them to, it still is going to be so much easier for you once you take it all off your mind.
You went on and on, telling and explaining every single thing and thought that occurred to you during your relationship and further friendship with Kai. 7 years, in total…you had so much to tell.
You tried hiding as little as possible, telling everything you felt: the guilt of not being good enough for him, ruining your relationship, you shared all the negative thoughts that took over your mind for the past months, but you also shared just as much about your feelings for him, how much you loved and cared for him, how much you wanted him to be happy at the first place, how much you feared to ruin his life with yours, but also just how you couldn’t imagine your life without his…
You talked and talked, feeling your thoughts getting messy again. “Kai, I don’t know…I love you so, so much, but I don’t want my feelings to harm you in any way”, you finished your speech so abruptly, almost wanting to cry: the situation seemed just unsolvable to you now as it did last night.
Kai didn’t respond right away, taking his time to gather his thoughts as well. However, his hand found yours, giving it a tight reassuring squeeze.
“Y/N, you never hurt or harmed me in any way possible. I can’t live without you just as much as you can't live without me. I understand that your doubts come from the worry you feel for me, I appreciate it that you care so much, I really do. But please, Y/N, do not put yourself down, do not disregard your own feelings. The only thing I can say right now that I’m absolutely sure about is: I’ll never be happy living without you by my side.”
You listened quietly, slowly processing his words.
“The only way you can hurt me is by hurting yourself”, Kai continued, “I’d never want either of us living unhappily.” The words got followed by another squeeze of your hand, this time a much gentler one.
“So, at this moment, I’d like to ask you…Y/N, would you want to consider being my girlfriend? I know this is now the first time for us, but please be sure that my feelings are no weaker; they’re even stronger now than they were 7 years ago when we first started dating, I’m saying this being as honest as I can only be.” Kai confessed, his gaze being so soft and gentle.
“I-”, you breath hitched in your throat, your heart almost bursting out of your chest. “I want to be your girlfriend, Kai, even need to be yours, I’d say”, you muttered the last part shyly, yet loud enough for him to make out what you said.
“And I need to be yours, Y/N”, he whispered, intertwining your hands.
