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alex

@jackalpants / jackalpants.tumblr.com

she, her, tran about town

Aimee, from Leonard Nimoy’s 2010 photography series Secret Selves

Aimee — tattoo and body piercing
I like being a girl…no one knows I am a woman, let alone a lesbian. My beard is natural, there is no imbalance.

Maybe I really should just write a fuckin romance where John Albertson (blond white) is so overwhelmed by his big city lawyer job that he's super mad he's going home to his parents' vineyard in north California and has to deal with Jacob Joseph Harman (dark hair white) who his parents hired to run the vineyard and who's like, check you out you ran away to pursue what, the law? And you left your parents behind and they're good people John you did them wrong they deserve a Good Son and John's like you don't understand what it was like to grow up gay in rural California and he goes oh don't I? And then he picks his dead sister's daughter up from school (single dad) and later they get caught in a sudden bad rain trying to get tarps on the grapes or something and John's all oh, fuck, Jacob is ripped from a hard life of simple labour and Jacob's like fuck why can't I stop dreaming about this skinny idiot in the big clark kent glasses, and they kiss in the rain and John moves home because the vineyard folks need a down home lawyer to help them stay safe.

It's not like I CAN'T write it I just-

Nobody eats anyone alive! Even a little bit!

uhhh yeah can i start with the house salad?

I actually have a slightly misprinted copy of house of leaves (I think?) where there are some pages that are misaligned too low and still have the edging marks visible on the top

And like I said I am 98% sure it's a misprint, but this fucking book! How would I know!!

me: why are you destroying earth!!!

aliens: because theres people who think that english is the only language they need to speak

me: thats fair i understand

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littlenerdygirlwithwings

For some reason I find this all the more amusing because it’s written in English

moi: pourquoi vous détruisez le monde!!! l'extraterrestre: parce que il y a des gens qui pensent que l'anglais est le seule langue pour parler moi: ah ça c'est bien

ich: warum zerstört ihr die erde!!!

aliens: weil es leute gibt die glauben dass englisch die einzige sprache ist die sie sprechen müssen

ich: das ist fair ich verstehe

ég: af hverju eyðileggið þið jörðina!!! aliens: af því að það er fólk sem finnst að enska sé sú eina tungumál sem þau þurfa að tala ég: oh, það er vit í þessu. ég skil.

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tobdog

ik: waarom vernietig je de aarde!!!

aliens: omdat er mensen zijn die denken dat engels de enige taal is die ze hoeven te spreken

ik: oh zo, ik snap het

minä: miks te tuhootte maapalloo?

alienit: koska tääl on ihmisiä joitten mielestä englanti on ainoo kieli jota niitten täytyy puhua

minä: toi on reilua, ymmärrän

私: どうして地球を滅ぼしているんですか?

宇宙人: 英語しか喋る必要がないと思う人がいるからです

私: なるほど、わかりました

me: Wosück maakt ji de Welt twei!!!

aliens: wieldat dat Lüüd gifft, de dinkt dat Engelsch de allenige Spraak weer, de een snacken mütt

me: jo, daar seggst wat. Nu versta ik’t

aniga: dhulka maxaad u burburinaya !!!

shisheeyaha: dadka intiisa badani u malaynayaan in Ingiriisidu tahay afka oo kaliya ay u baahan yihiin inay la hadlaan

aniga: waxaan fahamsanahay. waa wax cadaalad

我:你们为什么在毁灭地球?!!

外星人:因为有人以为他们只会英语就可以了

我:懂了,说得有道理

ako: bakit niyo sinisira ang mundo!!!

taga-ibang planeta: kasi merong mga taong akala nila Ingles lang ang kailangan nilang matutunang lenggwahe

ako: ah, sige naiintindihan ko

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mikaisyuu

Aku : kenapa kau hancurkan bumi!!! Alien : karena masih banyak orang berpikir hanya bahasa inggris satu-satunya bahasa yang terpenting Aku : oh, oke lah..

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you-tit

tôi: tại sao các người hủy diệt trái đất!!! người ngoài hành tinh: bởi vì có người nghĩ rằng tiếng Anh là thứ tiếng duy nhất mà họ cần biết tôi: ồ thế thì tôi hiểu

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geritashipper

Eu: Por que vocês estão destruindo a Terra?! Aliens: Porque há pessoas que pensam que o inglês é a única língua que eles precisam falar. Eu: Isso é justo, eu entendo.

jag: varför förintar ni jorden!!!

utomjordingar: för det finns folk som tror att engelska är det ända språket de behöver kunna

jag: rimligt, jag förstår

Já: Proč ničíte Zemi?

Mimozemšťani: Protože tu jsou lidé, kteří si myslí, že angličtina je jediný jazyk, který potřebují znát

Já: To je fér, to chápu.

ja: dlaczego niszczycie Ziemię?

kosmici: ponieważ są ludzie, którzy myślą, że angielski to jedyny język, którego potrzebuję

ja: rozumiem, w porządku

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kingdeino

io: perchè state distruggendo la terra!!!

alieni: perchè ci sono delle persone che credono che l’inglese sia l’unica lingua di cui hanno bisogno

io: capisco, mi sembra giusto

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thegayestpolyglot

Yo: porqué estás destruyendo la tierra!?!?

Extraterrestre: porque hay personas quienes creen que inglés es la única lengua que se tiene que hablar.

Yo: te entiendo, es justo.

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properrussian

Я: Почему вы уничтожаете Землю?!?! Инопланетяне: Потому что есть люди, которые считают, что им нужно говорить только по-английски. Я: А, ну понятно, тогда ладно!

A modern Rosetta stone.

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polygamouscaterpillar

Onipa: ad3n ti na woo se3 ewuasi

3wiamu nii: efri s3 nk⊃fu⊃ bi w⊃ ho a ⊃mo fri s3 br⊃fo ne kasa p3 a ehyia ⊃mo

Onipa: a, ma te ase

Yessssssss I love the sign language addition! @polygamouscaterpillar

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wodneswynn

This is like the side-by-side plates of the Lord’s Prayer in the historical linguistics textbook except so much better

This is the most educational shitpost I’ve ever seen

[Image Description: the three GIFs in polygamuscaterpillar’s reblog show the same message as all the other posts signed in American Sign Language. The image in thatlittlegyptologist’s reblog shows the same message in Egyptian hieroglyphics. End Image Description.]

mi: sina pakala e sike ma ni tan seme???

jan tan sike ma ante: tan ni - jan mute li wile toki Inli taso.

mi: a ale li pona.

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curious-etc

meg: kvifor øydelegg du jorda!!!

romvesen: fordi det finst folk som trur at engelsk er det einaste språket dei treng å snakke

meg: greitt, eg forstår

ego: cur mundum deiicitis!!!

astrici: sunt qui credunt solam linguam loqui necessarium est anglicem

ego: iustum est. intelligo

eu: de ce distrugeți pământul!!!

extratereștrii: pentru că sunt oameni care cred că engleza este singura limbă pe care o au nevoie să vorbească

eu: aia e corect, înțeleg

YESS I LOVE THE ASL ONE

me: Qoi you terra destruindo!!!

aliens: donde est people pensent englando est der lingua seulment necesidad a sprechen

me: c'est fine I compreender

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Reblogged

I know this is going to make me sound pretensions but I have to get it off my chest. I feel an unimaginable rage when someone posts a photo and is like "this picture looks like a renaissance painting lol" when the photo clearly has the lighting, colors and composition of a baroque or romantic painting. There are differences in these styles and those differences are important and labeling every "classical" looking painting as renaissance is annoying and upsetting to me. And anytime I come across one of those posts I have to put down my phone and go take a walk because they make me so mad

In case you're curious here's what I mean.

Renaissance(distinct lines, stability and the individual man):

Baroque (bold, chaotic, dramatic):

Romantic(romanticize the simple hard working life):

Do you see the difference?

this post has re-wired my brain in the best way

Oooh, thank you! I don’t know much about the differences of art periods and styles, so this was a very neat and concise depiction to introduce me to the idea. I’ll have to go read more at some point!

Okay so this got me thinking about game changer where this was referred to as like a Renaissance piece, and it seems much more romantic (but sad) to me:

Like, maybe it's none of the above? But the emotion is candid, and calm, and this could easily be part of a romantic series of images from the game changer set in the same way that an image of four exhausted factory workers slumped on a bench after their shift could be- there's a camraderie present even though the figures are so separated.

Now, THIS is a Renaissance picture.

LOOK how he's framed in the void! Staring at the wreckage of an item that represents his career and position! The slump of his shoulders, the inscrutable expression, the useless goggles loosely clutched in his hand! The instrument of his destruction behind him, discarded! AN EMPTY HOURGLASS AT HIS BACK AND AN EMPTY SPACE AT HIS FRONT god I wish I could paint this the composition is WONDERFUL

i dont consider myself a 'fashion guru' by any means but one thing i will say is guys you dont need to know the specific brand an item you like is - you need to know what the item is called. very rarely does a brand matter, but knowing that pair of pants is called 'cargo' vs 'boot cut' or the names of dress styles is going to help you find clothes you like WAAAYYYY faster than brand shopping

this also goes for aesthetic or -core titles. 'y2k tank top' is going to get you resellers and fast fashion brands advertising to people looking to meet a current trend. 'thin strap crop tank top' is going to get you a diverse group of results and not upcharge you to hell and back

additionally, shop second hand when you can, second hand and thrift sites typically organize clothes by the cut and color. theyll be more affordable than a depop seller curating you a style to sell you

useful terminology for different kinds of clothing shapes :)

here are more terms! these are all from enérie. it is a really good blog that has lots of fashion terminology and it's a good mix of menswear and womenswear! they also have a book as well compiling all their diagrams. you could also look into getting a visual fashion dictionary for terms as well!

Okay how in the blue fuck was THIS government sponsored propaganda bullshit okay to blaze but the book I wrote about democratic communism (read it here https://maryjamesauthor.wordpress.com/2024/05/28/how-to-read-the-book/ it's free because I put my lack of money where my fucking mouth is) was too political?

What the actual fuck are we doing here?

Which path should he choose?

The path of the warrior, the path of the scholar, or the path of the artist?

he should wander away and have a picnic while he thinks about what path to choose

Great idea! But where should he have the picnic?

Under the tree, or under the old fort?

By the sea, so he can enjoy the sound of the waves

A lovely choice!

Should he build a sandcastle to pass the time? Or perhaps go fishing?

Perhaps he could collect shells he finds interesting

Sounds fun!

Which shell should he pick up?

That's not a shell, it's a tiny earpiece.

Should he listen to music? Or to the mysterious pre-recorded message?

He should give it back to the crab in the largest shell, they thought they had lost their wave-pod and are grateful he found it!

The crab wants to give a gift in return.

Should he accept the gift of power, or the gift of knowledge?

the gift of friendship :)

Friendship acquired!

Should they celebrate with pizza or ice cream?

The crab friend cannot eat either of those! Let's split a nice seaweed salad instead. :)

So many options!

Should they get tossed salad, wiggly salad, or spiky salad?

Seasar salad

Nothing beats getting it straight from the source

Should they use scissors or claws to cut the seaweed?

What about that sword in the first panel?

The circle is complete.

Through choices, friendship, and salad, he found his way to the path of the warrior. But he won't walk it alone.

Their path is just beginning, but this story is over.

Thank you to everyone who participated!

This is all the worst and best parts of being a GM. Thanks OP. You did a great job.

Saw this on Twitter and I obligatory need to share it

So she actually said that she does not see the appeal in Senshi at all and that the panty shots weren't intended to be horny - she just has a neighbor who looks kind of like him and does laundry in his underwear. Which she finds kind of weird and offputting, and put into his character to be funny.

But that's the thing. She doesn't exaggerate or grotesqueify or alter people's bodies to fit some standard. (Except insofar as she draws different species differently, and those are exquisitely practiced to ensure they have the same diversity of appearances that humans do.) She just presents people exactly as they are, complexities and oddities and all.

It just so happens that when you present people exactly as they are, what you present will be beautiful and alluring to many. Even the things you yourself might find weird and offputting. Honestly I think it's a touching example of how you don't have to see the beauty in everyone for the beauty to be there, simple honesty is enough to let the wonder of people's humanity shine through.

You know, that Mythbusters post legitimately changed my life. Before seeing it, I had exponentially more guilt and stress about not being able to sleep, which of course, further exacerbated my inability to sleep.

Now, every time I wake up about three am, knowing I have to get up at 6.45, instead of stressing and panicking about how my day is going to be sleep deprived and miserable, I just tell myself 'Time to activate Mythbusters Protocol' and lie there with my eyes closed safe in the knowledge that I am measurably reducing later feelings of exhaustion.

And when this happens, about 70% of the time the reduction of guilt and stress means I actually do fall back asleep, so all in all instead of getting only three or four hours sleep, I get five to six and a half.

Which y'know, major improvement in health and energy.

On a related note, that post also opened up the world of naps for me. I used to think that napping was mostly pointless for me, because I'm pretty much incapable of falling fully asleep in the middle of the day. But when I redefined naps to include "lying down with my eyes shut for an hour," even if I just spent the whole time brainstorming fanfiction, that was often enough to get me from "exhausted and running on 4 hours of sleep" to energized and refreshed

The post (?) as found on Reddit with bonus explanatory Reddit comment.

THIS! THIS IS SUPER IMPORTANT!

This is absolutely me. I lie down on my lunch break for 20-30 minutes. Do I sleep? Hell no. But do I feel way better in the afternoon because of it? Absolutely.

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venusian–eye

technically we’re ALL, always LARPing, because the Self is only a construct,

I want a new character

Then make one.

Everyone talking about posts that changed their brain chemistry seem to be leaving out this classic, which probably propelled me into activism and more self confidence in a way that I cannot put into words.

there aren’t enough posts going around about the swedish cryptid known as the skvader which is a rabbit with pheasant wings and also a very good boy.

like this one dude just made a fake taxidermy and spread it around as a hoax for a good ass while and it lead to this really cool fantasy creature and i am genuinely dissapointed that it never gets used in anything

Rabbirds, by the amazing @tkingfisher/Ursula Vernon (source).  

The lack of skvaders is particularly frustrating when you realize it forms the third point of a wonderful cryptid trifecta.

You got the jackalopes, which are rabbits with antlers.

And you got the wolpertingers, which are rabbits with antlers and wings.

And then… what? Do you escalate? That’s unbalanced, those two rabbit cryptids don’t have the same number of extra things, the wolpertinger is clearly the jackalope But More.

BUT with the skvader on the other side, balance is restored. Antler rabbit, winged rabbit, winged antler rabbit. It’s a classic Venn diagram of imaginary lapine beasts, and it’s only complete if you acknowledge the fucking skvader.

Good thing Ursula’s got our back, at least.

This is a really excellent point and I applaud your advancements in Cryptid Theory.

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magathapai

Gentleman, if I might add:

yes you may add this

I think balance in crypdids is VERY IMPORTANT.

Genuinely my favourite photo of myself in a while! Took this on my birthday, when I found 25 minutes for a quiet pint while I was on my way home from my girlfriend's

one thing about me as a batman fan is that im not 100% convinced his penis works very good. im completely fine with fanfic where hes horny as hell and fucks like a machine and all that but in my heart of hearts im like. this man has erectile dysfunction.

like first of all theres the psychological aspect, in the sense that that man is stressed the hell out and traumatized and paranoid and juggling like 600% more in his head than the average person, which im told doesnt usually contribute to great boners. so there's that part. getting the man to put down his schedules and business concerns and the three different cases hes working on in the back of his head and the updates he wants to make to the batmobile and all that shit. that guy is Distracted during sex. he loses his boner at least once a session because he starts thinking about killer croc or something and yeah hes freaky but not really in that direction, sorry. this is a thing that happens to him and is a known phenomenon to his partners.

and then second of all physiologically im not convinced that he hasnt mangled his penis to some degree in the course of all the training and crimefighting and whatnot. like even taking extra pains to protect it as im sure he would, all of the times that man has been exploded and thrown through walls and glass and all of the jumping off of buildings and swinging around he does?? i simply dont believe his penis has emerged entirely unscathed. you absolutely cant tell me that in the early days he didnt at least twice take a running leap off of something, misjudge his landing, and absolutely destroy his balls when he slipped and took a wrought iron fence full force between the legs. this must have happened. i know it to be true that this man has scars on his dick that he didn't ask someone to put there on purpose and i do kinda think it could eventually affect his sexual function, even aside from the impact of all of his other various and perpetual injuries causing him pain.

so what im saying is that my headcanon is that batman's dick game is weak as hell at least 50% of the time. what that dick do? today, absolutely nothing. tomorrow, who knows. which tbh i find kinda hot in a roundabout way actually, so. love that for him. sorry about your penis, batman.

Meanwhile, I think this seems like the last word about Superman's dick:

But like I think genuinely Lois would be a little relieved. Fun to eat an entire birthday cake in one sitting every now and again but you wouldn't want it for dinner every day

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