okey..i'm stealing a few minutes here from my contract-reading time. (test tomollo nyte!!) and plus, i gotta spend a few secs to re-check n revise my 'must-do' list for tomorrow..

hmm..well..it just dawned on me that i have accomplished one of my new year resolutions!! (both muharram n gregorian's new year resolutions mind you)
nurul made a remark on sumthing earlier in the evening and it was then i realized that i have accomplished sumthing out of my usually-not-so-productive-life-these-days
*loud sobs..then a big grin* yes!!! am not soo much of a loser eh..

ehniways..talked to iman on ym today. she just got internet connection installed in her home and we tried out her new webcam. cool weh.at least got to see her. i need to get myelf a webcam also loh..

havent heard from sue for the past three days..wonder what she's been up to.

i havent heard from tasneem yemen for sumtime also....really miss her and her always-full-of drama life and great sense humour..meB she left sanaa and went for a break at her gramma's..

met kak Husna Chia today. lame tak jumpe..planned to meet up for dinner soon

MABIT 3 this friday..tajuk bes..but i dun think i can make it..please..please..hope i really can make it. saturday got anor prog but MABIT ends after subuh so bisa aja..hopefully

my name's out for the LAP thingy. High Court JB here i come!! abah kate jgn buat perangai and must be xtra good and nice and dun play tricks or be notty2 there coz the pakgad there garang. he once got told off for entering the wrong door. (how DARE he marah my dad!! *huff*)

hmm..the flood in shah alam's pretty bad.. i pray the water'll dry up soon..
my dear incik matahari a.k.a sun, why dun u divert 50% of ur sunshine and heat that you daily give us people in Gombak these days to S.Alam..they really need u to soak up all the flood water..i'm not saying that we dun appreciate you here in Gombaaak but uv been shining extra hard these days so i noticed and so i'm just suggesting that meB u need a break from Gombak and try out a new place (S.Alam as i've suggested ofkos)..whadya say?

back to my contract notes..

*groan* i'm sooo not a library person. i get distracted easily..there's soo many people to meet and greet! it's like a social hang out place plak..if only i'm as focused as when i'm reading books other than law text books. what is it with them????? God..buka kan lah n lembut kan lah my very2 keras punye hati ini..haih...ni yang nak kene muhasabah diri nih..

* really going back to my contract reading and muhasabah. janji!! *

one more stop! i'm getting weird dreams for the past 2 continuous nights..why eh? i thot i got myself some quality deep sleep..its just the syaitan playing with my mind..penat lah mimpi and wake up trying to pikir whether there's any underlining messages or sumthing..haih..

*really reallty gone back to my notes!*

what i want...today!

i need, i want!!!

• an organizer!!or a daily planner!! i feel soooo lost..

i hate feeling doubtful and pening2 pikir when people ask, ' u free tak on this date..this time..' coz i akan asyek rase like i have sumthing but xshur what..n now i just have to write everything down on paper since i have my phone no more!!!
(keburukan dan balasan being too dependant on the organizer in ur phone huhu...)

• a personal cobbler!!!

indeed i do!! my beloved polo black shoe sungguh menyakitkan ku..
(and they say those u luv will always end up hurting you eh..true true..)
i've been visiting the cobbler kat HS tuh for more than 3 times sending in the same pair of shoes..shur that uncle kenal me sudaa..mesti everytime he sees me,
he'll go..'aah..money...money..' *huhu to me*..i luv that particular pair of shoes especially and i dun wanna buy anor pair coz everything about it is still pretty new and sangat good looking..takde masalah; just the heels..the paku keep on terkeluar..
*punishment banyak jalan ke??*
a fren said it's all for business purposes..the paku that keeps the heels in place are fixed in loosely so i'll end up having to make regular visits to the cobbler hahahaha..uih..khusnuzon...i think i'mma get new heels altogether..
p/s: hey, if i get a personal cobbler, i can also bukak bisnes what...

• start investing!!!

i went to this one particular bank,
(takleh sebut name nanti i promote tanpa gaji..unfair to other banks..and to me too..)
coz i had to kinda interview and make a research on the principle of profit-sharing as according to the syari'ah..and now, i want to start investing!!! coz ryte now, i dun think i have any savings for myself!!( see..how miskin i am huhu) and plus, i dun have to do much. just start up an account, then i just have to check my account occasionally and put in some cash from time to time. and i'll be making extra money just like that!..so yeah, abah!! wait for my call! i wanna start investing! and my aunt who loves the 'dunia saham' can be my advisor! yeah!!

• an auditor!! (that's the spelling ryte?)
  

i'm in need of one! my financial book is getting outta control!! at least i consistent keh keep record of my spending (erk..now i sound like a geek!!!) but seriously, i do need to check on it..and see if i have made any achievements in improving my bad spending habit..wait; i think i have loh...banyak bagus peningkatan saya tau!! compared to the previous sems..try ask me when was the last time i actually went on a shopping spree!! hah..and i think it's about time i start spend wisely..as my parents would always say, 'think of what u need and only of those that spells n.e.c.e.s.s.i.t.i.e.s..heh..baru skarang mau dengar cakap ibu ayah...
hmm..*feeling good*

• a personal concorde-like-jet

i just wanna rush back home for just prolly an hour or two..i really do..haih..and they say it's the 21st century!!!we should have jet rides for the public that'll cost as expensive as the feeder bus' fees!!!

• lunch and pray...

gtg..gotta observe my obligations towards my Lord the Almighty and serve my body justice and care!

B.L.A.CK...

i watched BLACK yesterday with kak aliza n maz. it's a hindi movie.yes. i know it's a *blergh*..but this one, i give it a 3 thumbs up! it's only 2 cds long; meaning, no flesh-exposing, obscene lucah2 dancing scene (lol) and plus, no lovey dovey stupit cliche love story plot. it's basically taken from 'Miracle Worker'-so kak aliza said. the way i see it, it was a smart combination of both "The Notebook" and the story of Helen Keller. it's very inspiring, heart touching, wrenching, tearing and all that lah..

it stars Rani as Michelle McNally and incik Amitabh as the teacher. Michelle was blind and deaf due to the fever she suffered when she was a toddler. she then lived life like a wild animal. her parents didnt know how to teach her. and all the teachers that the father hired weren't good enough or patient enough. the kid's such a good actress!!! (she won the best supporting actress few days ago-all infoS are courtesy of kak Aliza ngeh3) her behaviour was horrifying, petrifying, scary and all lah! from the way her eyes rolls (x pening ka dia roll her eyes all the time??), the way she makes sounds, the way she jerit2, the way she eats and ESPecially the way she walk! sangat horror and ganas! ada gaye Emily Rose during the times she was being possessed, exorcised and the times sewaktu dengannye. sungguh! i was practically feeling more scared than sympathy watching the movie (tengok behaviour Michelle when she was a kid) but ofkos part2 yang menyayat hati tuh wajibun ada lah..

Rani was good too. i mean, to act retarded and walk around, all the time, like a penguin shur aint easy (me n maz dah try hahahahhaha) and the way her eyes stays fixed in one place, and not blinking, she deserves the award weh.

the movie is good la as a conclusion. i recommend it. go watch it. make shur u have a box of tissues next to you. if u tak tersentuh skali pon i dunno lah u human or not. have to go check xray with doctor lah eh.

things i learnt from the movie;

• i should and must count my blessings. i have complete limbs, complete 5 senses (even extra kot ngeh3) so yeah, i should be very grateful and thankful to God. and i must not misuse them!!!
• money cannot buy everything. especially happiness. no money of Mr. McNally could buy the patience of the nurses and teachers to help educate and care for Michelle. only the good heart and good, noble intention of a person could help. the McNally's mansion was huge but dark. the mom was always crying..yeah, u get the picture. (hmm..come to think of it, big mansions are all dark and scary..tanak ah rumah camtuh..besar sangat plak tuh..penat nanti weh nak kemas keh3)
• failure is not falling down but standing up and continue struggling straight away after you fall. the key to success would be determination, faith and trust in God, patience and passion! gambate!!
• appreciate the people around you. especially those who sticks with you, thru thick and thin. definitely! -teaching and educating is such a noble job/thing to do. God bless all the teachers and lecturers who has sincerely and generously shared their knowledge with me. especially my high school teachers..such noble and patient people you are dapat student like me. and the fact that you all never gave up on me hehe..*nih yang rase nak kene buat acceptance speech nih..i will..i will..eh, actually i did write one down when i graduated..heh*
• the unconditional, immeasurable love and patience of a mother. what a holy being. i wanna be a mom and be guaranteed a place in paradise!!!

enuff la..u go watch the movie. i promise you its a 5 stars rate.

..coz what you feel is what you are
and what you are is beautiful...

H.A.L.O

I never promised you a ray of light*I never promised there’d be
sunshine everyday*I’ll give you everything I have*the good, the bad...*Why do you put me on a pedistal?*I’m so up high that I can’t
see the ground below*so help me down* you’ve got it wrong*I don’t belong there*

0ne thing is clear*I wear a halo when you look at me*But
standing from here*you wouldn’t say so*if you were me*

I always said that I would make mistakes*I’m only human*and
that’s my saving grace*I fall as hard as I try*so don’t be blinded *see me as I really am*I have flaws and a lot of times I even sin*so pull me
from that pedistal*I don’t belong there*

Why you think that you know me*but in your eyes*I am something
above you*it’s only in your mind*

0nly in your mind I wear a Halo...

finally, sumthing that says it all. everything that i've always wanted to say, then be heard; and be well understood..enuff said.

*thnx Haley* n daad too!

what a day..

what a day it has been..it started out soooo fine. class started at nine, i woke up fine, fresh, positive and all..sempat breakfast, didn't have to rush to class, focused fine in class..i even actually jotted down everything that my ILS sir lectured!! walla eh?

but i dreaded one thing today. my contract PBL presentation today at 5. takut and suspen bangat..i can picture myself humiliating and making a fool out of myself talking and crapping without substance huhu....

but then, when it was contract class, sir informed us of his intention to shift all tutorials today to tomorrow..alhamdulillah, relieved for the day but whoa..that took me by surprise and got me thinking..everything's going too fine for me..now that's...scary? hmm..i'm not exactly saying that i dun believe an all-day-long good luck or anything but..i dunno..it just feels weird. u know how people say, "laugh now, at the end of the day you'll cry" sumthing like that la..and well..the thought crossed and lingered in my mind all day..

and i got the opportunity to live to figure it out..
i lost my baby samsung phone. n my maxis sim card ofkos..
lets not go into the details of how i lost it. but i did. and i sangat sedih. and frust gak. but everyone kate i dun look so. tasya dok membebel, "ryhn, u shud be worried and said!"
ely plak, "ryhn's too perky for someone who lost sumthing she luv. i cant tell what her emotions are ryte now"

what do u expect me to do?? cry, jerit2? golek2 atas lantai merengek? haha..that wud be a scene aih? ntah la..i am sedih n all..bingung was more the word. but its not like my phone wud come bck instantly and immediately. from past experiences, chill, relax. (ofkos la, after some dramatic scenes) if its meant to stay long with you, ade rezeki, u'll find it again soon..i found the ring that abah bought for me dah! see? i gave the whole searching quest a week break, and i found it in one of my bags' pocket hehe..

so, yeah, i'm kidding myself with all the positivity in this world hoping that jodoh i panjang ngan phone tuh..dah la i just bought it a four-leaf clover accessory for it! huhu..tak good luck langsung rupanya..i dah think of soooo many possibbilities of what has, may and will happen to my phone. but then, as the day begins to say goodbye, i guess i just have to terima the fact that there are bigger possibilty that i may not ever see the phone again (except kat kedai handpon kot) BCOZ...my phone was switched off and only after midnyte it was switched on and all the messages we sent was then reported delivered. but after numerous (haha) calls we tried to give which was rejected, the person switched it off balik..well..maz and all says that, if the person intend to return the phone to me (konon2 dia saviour, hero lah selamatkan my phone), dia takkan off kan my phone knowing that the owner would try all her myte to get back the phone. true daat i guess..oh well..BUT THEN!!! dulu i n afi tercicirkan our phone kat dlm taxi, pakcik tu drive je all the way from cheras back to Bukit Antarabangsa to return our phone yg murah dan takde value tuh..huhu...we need more civillized and honest citizens!
oops..positive thinking! i bagi 2 hari..if by then tak dapat jugak balik..i'mma just give maxis a call and claim for my old number. prepaid pon bole sudaa skarang..i luv that number and i dun ever plan to tuka if i can help it. but for now, use lah my 019 number ye..hikmah ada 2 phone ek..

nways..just when i thot the day wudn't get any better, i guess, things couldn't be all bad..hilang satu benda, dapat satu benda..

went to the opening ceremony kat main audi. it was giid. the talk and speech given was inspiring and totally motivating. it was also the last public speech that our rector will give before he quit..
sukenye denga dia cakap..

nways, dalam car tuh, ade lah this one dialogue scene;
maz: ryhn..
ryhn: yeah?
maz: i luv u...
ryhn: huh? heh..i know..me luv u too..

then widaad plak sambung
"me too"

ryhn: ofkos yang..

then adora pun join!
"i pon ryhn.."

ryhn: ohkay..what's going on?? what have u gurls done????

then, widaad turned and handed me over something ina white wrapping paper..

OHMIGOD!! they bought a wallet! the kind that i've always liked and has been looking for!!! i cudnt believe my eyes! eventho it was a different brand, definitely different in color, i luv it! it's cantek..with zip. large, ade buckle, velvetty, dark turquoise and fuschia pink in color. haha..pink? can u believe it? but yg ni sungguh hot n cantek la..nnt later2 i post the pic la..

sayaang baaaaaangat sama kalian maz daad n dora..i was like, "what's this for?"
they say,
"for everything. for anything. it was like, we saw it, and we knew ud like it, and we wanted to buy it for you,and we so have to get that for u.."

but i still miss my phone. it's like my everything. i'm very dependant on it. my scheduler, organizer, everything..hmm..i believe there's a wisdom and reasons behind the loss..khusnuzon dengan everyone! especially Allah..

2 ekor cicak, publicities and inspiring Muslim martyrs..

i am sooooo against all the cicakS in the world!!!!
(not forgetting the fact that it is of their species' ancestors that leaked out the secret that the Holy Prophet p.b.u.h was hiding in the Thur Cave when the enemies were hunting him down during the Hijrah period! kill them! kill them!)
*mind u, i am still against violence*

i baru with full spirit and enthusiasm nak finishkan my worldview assgnmnt and now, 2 ekor cicak has ruined it!!
because of dema 2 ekor, i have to move to my bed! buat asgnmnt atas katil is a no-no..never a good idea..haih..

my study table is placed against the wall with the window. very close to the window. i semangat2 nak buat asgnmnt, dah set up my laptop n all then tetiba ada this one cicak crawling around kat tingkap tuh. tak kesah la memula sebab dia crawl2 kat luar
(but ergh...the view of it's bawah, abdomen n all; crawling around is major gr0ss)
nways, i didn't do much of a good job trying to ignore it. i cant help it!!i cant stop thinking that it myte crawl2 til it reaches the side of the window then it myte jump inside!!!
and suddenly out of NOwhere came another cicak!
and they started fighting!!
and they were clinging to the side of the window's opening! and one of them JUMPED inside!!!

i knew it!!!!!!!! i knew that wud happen!!

and so now here i am muttering "shoo!! shoo!! go away! go away!!" atas katil and trying hard to shoo the 2 ekor thing away from my bed. its lepak2ing kat wall my meja..

owh! owh!! one's g0ing away from my territory!
*go! go! shooh! shooh!*

dah la kak ida n nurul pon takleh nak tulung. gelak kan orang je lebih huhu..

i think its safe for me to go back to my meja now. i dun see the cicakS anymore.

*back to my assignment dgn penuh semangat nye! caiyok!! gambate!!

p/s: i think cicak is one unique creature. it's tail will grow back if it's terputus..tak payah susah2 saintis of their species nk pikir or buat research mahal2 to clone a new tail for them if putus sebab eksiden ke, ape ke...

p/p/s: for the past few days the news are on about artists going to a club and assaulted some men and denying stuff and what nots; kuhmown lah..there's many more bigger and much more important issues to be dealt with and paid attention to in this world if not in Mesia. get over it media! and move on! go find out more abused citizens' news, family living in poverty that needs help from others and the government itself! people whose rights are violated living in this cruel world of today; those who suffers war, disasters; they're the ones that needs real attention!

i've always believed that the motive of the papers are only to sell and not to publish the truth or the real happenings in the world. is it partly because of the so-called "freedom of expresion" that's restricted and limited in Mesia? or is it because of the people themselves who are more into entertainment than the real issues?

talk about freedom of expression, this morning, my mom was ranting on the reponse given by Denmark with regard to the caricature. she was like,

i'm most angry at the fact that they had the guts and nerve to say that they're not gonna apologize to the Muslims bcoz they believe that they're practising and allowing freedom of expression!

true daat ummi!! i think the issue also involves human rights. i mean, they're insulting other people's religion! and that's like disrespect towards others! didn't they learn their manners ever since dari kindergarten lagik?? and to actually voice out their intention not wanting to apologize? hullo..to apologize, and to seek for forgiveness is always a virtue!

anyways, so now people are starting to boycott. the way i see it, i'm hoping that with this whole boycotting effort with regard to the caricature issue, people will finally begin to see and believe that the effort to boycott is effective and relevant. i mean, until now not many people encourage, practice and support the boycotting campaign against the zionist n jews with regard to the Palestine issue. i see and know many who gets all fired up in angst and rage and sympathy yadaa yadaa when it comes to talking about the Palestinians, Masjid al-Aqsa, the Zionist and stuff but they dun actually show support to the boycotting campaign. they actually dun believe that it could be an effort. it's kinda disappointing if you ask me. i'm not so good myself la (talk about total disappointment eh)..kekadang tuh ade jugak evil voices in my head yg menggoda teringin nak buy those must-or-should-be-boycotted products.

but then again, i slalu pikir gak, are we that selfish to not even want to try to fight the temptations to buy or eat. what more when we know that we should and can help by boycotting and that the campaign is actually effective adn proven so too. how sometimes denial and selfish we can be just to fullfil our whims and desires.it is at least, the least we can do being so far away living in our comfort zone of our harmonious, peaceful, independent (dan yg sekeluarga dengannya) country. i remember a fren once said
"it's not like we'd die without it. macam la takde alternative lain. its up to the individuals to want to sacrifice or not."

tru daat. we could accept this challenge to boycott as a test from Allah jugak..how willing are we to sacrifice for others; for Islam, when the whole world turns against us..btol tak? eventho this whole boycotting effort may seem small and little in compare to people who gives cash for donation, or go to help give aid and do charity work; at least we're doing sumthing. i mean, speaking for myself, i cant go to Palestine to actually help give medical aid unlike those people Mercy ( including my cousin raudah who actually went to Acheh to give medical aid for teh Tsunami victims. i'm afraid i have to admit i am not mentally and physically prepared), i cant go around give talks to help naikkan semangat orang, or bring awareness to the public (lacking of knowledge here) unlike ustz maszlee, Dr. Azzam and people like them who actually do those 'turun padang' job. they go give talks, meet the public, and even go to Palestine or countries dekat2 situ jugak as an effort of theirs with regard to the Save Al-aqsa business. i dun have much wealth to spare, i dun have much knowledge or skills but i do understand that as Muslims, we are obliged to help and contribute so that at least, fi yaumul qiamah, when Allah asks us on what have we done to help, we'd have at least proof and evidence to back us up that we have made contributions to the Muslim society and Islam itself. quoting Ustaz Maszlee when he gave a talk about the martyr Syeikh Ahmad Yassin,

what are we going to give as an answer when Allah asks as to what have we done to help save Palestine and Al-Aqsa? what have we contributed? Syeikh Ahmad Yassin will be able to say that he has sacrificed his soul, his life, his paralized body, days of his life being detained and spent in prisons for his courage and bravery. and what have we to say?

*the fact that it took the Zionists 3 missiles to just kill an old, paralyzed man is awe-inspiring to me. the power of a true mujahid. G0d bless him*

that was a loud knock on the door. i strongly believe that boycotting efforts are effective. i may not be able to show much proof or evidence of it's succes but at least, between man and God, He'll know that we have tried. and plus, there's Turki and Egypt as proof..

on that note, i believe Allah has His own plans (which will always succeed and supersede every other plans of others) and reasons to allow the caricature issue come into existence on this universe of His..
i remembered someone said in one talk,
(ustz Maszlee gak kot. or was it my UNGS lecturer?) somehow these kind of humiliations or insult or anything that's against Islam, it myte be Allah's way of reminding us mankind. a reminder on so many things. like, maybe, for Muslims to remember that we should all unite? that's a big point there.
and anyways, like the September 11th incident, somehow, despite all the hardtimes and bad words given to Islam and the Muslims, it has sumhow brought a positive outcome and effect to Islam. come to think of it, when the issue on Islam n terrorism came out, more and more non-Muslims (and of course Muslims also) are interested and curious wanting to know the truth about Islam. Books about Islam was (and i believe still are ) selling as good as the Famous Amos' cookies! (ohkay, fine, or better; as good as kacang rebus? owh! or Tash Aw's The Silk Harmony Factory sale in England!) EHniways.. and with that, comes the increase of numbers of reverts and people who embraces Islam after learning and understanding Islam of it's divinity and truth..

bak kata faiz,

good or bad; publicity is publicity

i'm a believer. there's always reasons behind everything that happens in life. God has made plans for His creations. for better or worse..lets all place our full faith and truth in Him for with Him alone rests success...

final words, guiding words of the martyr Imam Hassan Al-Banna (from Mustafa Mashhur's book) praying that it will be helpful to us Muslims;

Dear brothers. believe in Allah, exalt His presence, depend and rely upon Him. fear no one but Him; stand in awe of no other than Him. Perform that which He has made obligatory and shun that which He has forbidden.

Draw near to the Quran and study it, devote yourselves to the Life of the Prophet, taking counsel from it. Be active workers rather than wranglers, for when Allah bestows His guidance on a people He inspires them to work. And people do not go astray after receiving guidance, except when they give into disputation.

Love one another, and make sure you guard your unity, for this is the secret of your strength and the support of your success.

Finally look forward to Allah's aid and His support. This opportunity will arise without doubt for Allah has said in the Qur'an,
And then the believers will rejoice with the help of Allah. He helps whom He wills and He is the All-Mighty, the Most Merciful (ArRum:4-4)

May Allah thabbit our hearts, lead us on the path of those who are good and rightly-guided and may He makes us live like the honorable and the fortunate..
that; is my prayers for all you who i call friends...
wallahu a'lam..

p/p/p/s: wah..tenkiu incik2 cicak..jauh kamu bawa saya..

R2A pictures

here's more of pics grabbed from my brodah zahid who's alhamdulillah selamat pulang sudaa..
i cant post many..so if ur interested on seeing more pics, visit
acehlonsayang.fotopages.com

my br0's the guy wearing specs, in black shirt with some print.. 

abah in Acheh

kantoi!!! abah missing us in Acheh.. 

abah on the generator ship on the land of Acheh 

h.o.m.e

it feels good to be back at home. enuff said. laytah!!

acheh mari

my abah n my brodah zahid selamat pulang sudah!!!!!
it was soooo good to hear my dad's voice after a whole week!
he sounded sangaaaaat bersemangat..
when he got off the plane, he gave me a call and i was like;
"ba, shudn't u sound tired and all? how come u sound sooo mcm ter'extra' energy?"
he's like;
"balik dari Acheh sekarang lebih bersemangat!"
hehe..at least now i have sum1 at home to layan me mengarut bahasa indon when i'm in the mood..(Selama ni sume terseksa je melayan me kui3)

i really wanted to go along with kak long, kak bie n sal to sambut the whole group kat klia but cannot meh..*darn u PBL*
nvm, abah said he's coming to KL soon. once his holiday habes, he'll start on his regular-trip-to-KL routine again..and he's taking zahid along..sebulan x jumpe..lame tuh.i so am gonna interrogate him like no one's bisnes on his whole trip to Acheh. he doesn't talk much mind u. u'll have to ask him detailed questions, and demand for answers.kalau x, sepatah u ask, sepatah dia jawab..haha..(so lah x macam me kan..keh3) that's my brother..

on that note,
"wELCOME bACK Home!!!!
MESIA missed u two.."

dun let it get to ur head

i try hard to not let anything get to my head.
and i'm beginning to think that i'm trying too hard.
and it's beginning to be unhealthy.
i can sense so; and it freaks me out.

i have all this while battled and fought all situations by faking optimisme, positive thinking and of course a little drama. that's a must. haha (my fave was when we ended up with the conclusion that there myte be a conspiracy between the British Empire and the Malay Sultanate which involved Maz' safety as the Princess and Heiress of British Royalty Family *big laugh*roll*roll*)
somehow, nowadays, it doesn't work anymore. and i'm scared of the fact that things are not working finely as it usually does. it's like i'm losing myself. and i'm really really scared. i dun know n i dun care if all these make sense. i'm tired..somebody slap me in the face, knock me hard in the head...i'm tired of waking up to do the same thing over and over again; everyday. it's like, to go and walk to my classes pon i have to stop, take a deep breath and have to actually sweet talk myself and console myself promising a good day ahead. i'm losing my energy too..
it's like i dun wanna see anyone, and i dun wanna be seen. (ta, i know what u mean now)
its sooo hard to wake up sumtimes nowadays. it's like i dun wanna wake up at times. and that's depressing. i need to be able to be explained. (i so get ta here to0 )

why cant life be like the movies i watch? when things seems to fall apart, time stops for them. they get to spend days sitting by the beach, watch the waves crash..watch the sunrise, sunset, whatever! or sleep all day, roll in bed and read 5books in a row. i wish things could be that simple. to take a moment to re-evaluate; i need that. i wish and want..i want and wish..

i left for 4days. my assignments still await for me. the library still is cold. the ladies' room at the law level is now re-opened for public use. test papers are returned. new topics are lectured in classes. time will never stop for anyone. that i know is true. i can sing all the happy songs, all the depressing tracks, i can laugh all the way thru The Nanny, My Wife and Kids, What I Like About You, anything; and after that, what? nothing changes. i'm still back to the pace where i was stuck at..

i'm tired of being asked the same question over and over again. the answer'll definitely be "i'll be fine". for a while it'll be that..i appreciate people's concern
*again, i feel blessed for the friends i have*
but ryte about now, i feel like i need to talk to sumone who has no idea about me.
sumone who'll bear me talk and talk, jump from one point to another, go all fast, then slow.
all those hours, the phone calls i got, i felt..ditemani..that wud be the word. but i find myself waiting for another phone call which from whom i wasn't shur.

i shud be expecting a call from Sue tomorrow. i cant wait.
iman's leaving this sunday. i feel terrible for not being able to meet up with her. not even once. i feel really really terrible. even if she says NVM i still feel bad. dang my schedule!

it's good to be back tho. i'll have to always and always remind myself everyday that i am blessed with a lot of good things in life. that there so many reasons i should be contended with life; and myself.

i dun expect to come back here after days of 'time out' and expect answers to all my questions, or for all my confusions to dissapear or be explained. i understand and believe that in life, not everything has it's explanation. not everything need to be answered. i'm okay with that. but i hope for a better day. it's just that, usually i'll be able to just shrug things off. usually i can just talk my way out of bad situations. usually i'm always in control of everything that revolves around me and my world. and today, i'm lost in questions and confusions. oh well, maybe its just me making a big scene out of things..

i miss my ummi n abah...

a word from Mr. Tolcher

"sooner or later, we'll be looking back on everything
we'll laugh about it like we knew what all was happening
sumday u myte listen to what people have to say
now you learn the hard way

sumthings u have to learn them all on ur own
u cant rely on anybody else
try not to focus on urself
share that love with someone else
dun let the bitters bring u down..

they say life is all about learning,
teach me to live, while i'm here,
messages twisted and turning,what should i give,
make it clear coz i cant figure it out yet just how to make it..
but i'm closer to than i was yesterday.."

today's better than yesterday..that's how it shud be ryte?
i think, i think too much.
and i think it's beginning to become unhealthy for me too.
i need help. just to lay things out..
but then again, maybe i don't.bear with me friends...
i strongly believe it's just a phase of life and that soon, it'll be over and done;
and i'll be on the move again..soon..amiin..

*shrug* *walk away*

...and i'd do anything to just feel better..

alhamdulillah..

ohmigod!!perlulah kan the first song playing right now kat ym "Bad Day" huhu...

*taking a deep breath*

lets start again.it's been 2days i stayed kat my aunt's..m really thankful to God that my aunt lives neaby and that i could always turn to her and the fact that our family have good relationship...
*thank you God. i am blessed*

went back to uia tadi..got UNGS test..i was late 30mins. like that wasnt terrible enuff..
(thank you ustz ungs ku..ur sooo kind! i'll miss u when i grad ur class)
pastu when i went to the mart kat HS area tu..my God i felt like my life was haunted!! takut i nak balik uia..i nearly tripped and kicked like more than 2 batu n curbs..pastu perlu lah kan my wallet nak terbuka n receipts n coins were like falling around me like snowflakes during the winter time in England..

then, i went to Aikol for a meal with elyna..thot of eating..but lost my appetite. was told of another bad news. haduih..went off to met two of my madamS to xplain n mintak excuse sbb absent for teh past two days..alhmd they were cool but i'mma need MC..haih..clinic uia sungguh tak membantu..

i bought the ever-so-famous aikol's goreng pisang (haha..teringat yasat n hasan's question;
"do malays fry everything? hahahaha") konon nye rindu ah kan sbb sedap sgt n dah lame tak makan..only managed a bite and tapau the rest. met up with daad, dora mun fara n the rest.. god, i missed them..sooo much..hmm..one of the strong reasons for me to go back to college.
*God i thank you for the friends i have.*

missed maz tho. she had tutor so x dpt jumpe. i had to pick Duha from school since the car was with me so i couldn't wait for maz..

hmm..owh!! yesterday, i have to share the and tell the sweetness of fara (she came with alen of kos). ystrday evening, she called up n said,
"ryhn, i kat depan ur aunt's house"

holla..n there she was with a bag of keropok lekor...hmm..missed her banget..she hasn't been around much..it was so sweet of her to come n visit coz she missed me hehehehehe..sayang u kat i eh..keh3..

hmm..iAllah i'm going back to uia tomorrow. pagi iAllah..or malam..i have to..my assgnmnts need attentions. i am eternally engaged n married to the library.. haha..i'm feeling better already..

my mom texted me. she asked me how i was n stuff..(she missed my dad kikiki...n well, umm..note: she doesn't know that i'm not in uia n that i'm at mak dut's. we agreed that we dun want my mom to worry n plus, my dad's not around..)

n u know..it was like a mother's instinct. she kinda know i was kinda troubled and she was talking about 'jaga hubungan dengan Allah'..if anything, muhasabah diri n all that..sigh..i cant hide anything from her..
(i knoww..silly statement there :D) she made me feel better nways..but i was soooo scared that she wud call there n then. god! i'd burst. haha..coward me..

well..gtg back to my contract case. gotta figure out the issues and find cases!!

oh!oh! n plus.. i found this pic on Sal's junior's page. my pic when i was the moderator for the 'sharing moment' slot during the KTKN..haha..that experience still haunts me in a way.. but it was a good experience.. haih..mesti lepas ni sume serik nak call me again..u lah!! expect me to do all the 'bidang terjun' ngeh3..but honestly, it was a good experience.. but definitely there's a always a big room for improvement..God knows..

from left. clockwise; sis almar, me, and sis iman

more stuff..(thnx Lub)

1] What color is most reflective of you?
black. white. purple. blue
[2] How did you get the idea for your profile name?
umm..my name?
[3] What time were you born?
daytime
[4] What song are you playing now?
Michael Tolcher - S0oner or Later
[5] Has the death of a celebrity ever made you cry?
*laugh* na'ah
[6] What color underwear are you wearing?
ooh la la..
[7] Do you want a baby?
y.e.s.s.s.
[10] What is your pets' name?
err..i dun like animals yg org keep as pets. so i dun have pets. but my bro bela ikan.
n my dad layan all the cats yg 'visit' our house. but i dunno the names. nnt i check.
[11] What color are your bed sheets?
blue, purple and white!
[12] What are the last 4 digits of your phone nmber?
told ya before
[13] What was the last concert you attend?
hmm..IPAC's was the most recent. i only go to concert when Sue's around!!
[14] Who is with you now?
superbibik imah!
[15] What was the last movie you saw?
hmm..its been too long..x ingat dah..owh!! does 20mins of watching Kill Bill count?
[16] Who do you dislike most at this moment?
the fact that i'm out of credit and that i dun have a car to go for a drive2 ryte now..
[17] What food do you crave right now?
Cereal and cold fresh milk! ofkos..nata de coco as always!
[18] Did you dream last night?
nope. had good quality sleep ysterday..needed that.
[19] What was the last TV show you watched?
My Wife and Kids
[20] What is your fave piece of jewelery?
the zarconia white gold ring my dad just bought for me and def'ly braceletes!!.
[21] What was the last thing you ate?
chicken nuggets bibik imah prepared for breakfast tadi..
[22] Who is your best friend of the opposite sex?
x perlu kot...
[23] Write a song lyric that's in your head
"they say life is all about learning, teach me to live.."
Michael tolcher's Bad Habits
[24] Who last IMed you?
Iman. as always! *hugs*
[25] Do you have a crush?
haha *laugh laugh*
[26] What is his/her names?
next!
[27] When was the last time you cut your hair?
this morning.i cut my hair a lot.by myself.my hands gatal
[28] Do you have a mental disease?
and why am i away from campus taking a day off since yesterday?
hahahahahaahaahhaahha
*sigh..*
*groan*
[29] What shirt are you wearing?
baby-tee
[30] What time is it?
11.22am
[31]What's your favorite store?
i love this question!!! banyak la..
[32]Are you thirsty?
always am
[33] Can you imagine yourself ever getting married?
when the time comes...
[34] Who's someone you haven't seen in awhile and miss?
sue...

when the top of the world falls on you..

>>listening to AAR's "Top Of The World"

my life is sooooooo dooomed..i'm so moving out of Earth..
i need to g.e.t awaaaay...*moan and roll around dramatically till i fall off my bed*

ryhn to mars..ryhn to mars *beep..beep*
ryhn to jupiter..*beep..beep*
(on the look for a place to stay)

hmm...i'm not complaining..m really thankful with all that i have..but sumhow, ryte now i'm feeling really really low. i felt let down. i dunnnno la..
Gowd! where are the jetplanes and rockets that could take me for a while of an out-of-Earth getaway??? it's the 21st century! shouldn't we have them that by now???

owh!! selingan! *change of mood kejap* my dad's leaving for Acheh tomorrow. talked to him of course just now. he's all excited i bet u anything. he shur sounded so anyway. his flight's tomorrow but he'll departure from KLIA and not senai so he's leaving for KL with his friends in about ten minutes time. ummi's sooooooo missing him already. like i can't tell lah kaaan hehe..Abah's going away for a week. iAllah he'll be flying back with Zahid and the rest of the 'kids' (ngeh3..) on the 12th.
Abah was like, "i'm leaving for Acheh. wanna pesan anything?"
i was like, "just return safely.."
ehhhehhee..cheyh..cantik tak ayat?? see..baiknye dapat anak macam i hehe..
*playing Butterfly Kisses song (father daughter song nih!)*
tapi nak jugaklah pesan stuff ofkos..ehhe...

*sigh..* miss abah already..padahal bukannye aku dok umah jumpe baba tiap hari pon hahahahaa...meh-ngah-da

oh well..back to the main topic..*change mood balik*
i'm really tired. i'm tired of a lot of things. i'm just t.i.r.e.d..
and the fact that i can't do anything for myself; it's like i'm stuck for life!!!

i knew it! i'm gonna live life as a spinster, who sells her soul to her work, who'll adopt an infant boy so that he'll grow up and be handsome macho son of mine and take care of me when i'm old. then when i'm about to retire, i'll leave for New Zealand and buy a nice cottage where there'll be sheeps running around my small land and every morning i'll mandikan them with sweet fruity scented bath gel so they won't stink like every other normal ordinary sheeps. and if they still smells, i'll sell them off for Qurban; or even better, i'll give them away for charity.

i'll be working as a librarian at the Dunedin's University (tempat Iman so she can some and visit me) to kill time. and i'll read books at kindergartens for the kid's storytime. i'll do volunteer work for charity. i'll bake cookies and sell them for the Fight Breast Cancer Campaign..i'll sell off my old stuff and belongings at garage sales and i'll make friends with the ladies at the rumah warga emas. ofkos..nanti i ajaklah derang usrah..of kos it will be inclusive of muffins and old people's fave coffee or flavored tea. hmm..NZ banyak hijau-hijauan so i guess our fave spot for usrah ( or rather elderly intellectual discussion hehe) will be kat atas one of those nice green beau hills, where ada tulips, butterflies terbang2 around us..then ada daun2 yg mcm lalang tuh..n ofkos, def'ly buttercup flowers banyak2..then, i will also adopt cucu angkat. ramai2..of all kind of races.

walla..!! i do have life after all then!

*sigh* will i live to be 57?....

true color?

instead of getting myself lost in my MLS notes n books n statutes n what nots...i got myself lost in some personality test stuff recommended by a fren..well..as usual la..sume analysis x exactly accurate what more true by every word..they are after all sgt general..
(haha...justifying for myself awal2..resultnye me dun like loh..)

Raihan, your true color is Red! (of aaaaaaaaall colors!! *huff*)

Your color is red, the color of racy sportscars, blushing cheeks, and luscious roses.
Red symbolizes passion, romance, and love. (blerghhhh)
So, since you're ruled by red, you probably trust your feelings more than your brain and tend to act spontaneously. (spontaneous i agree..)
If you see something you want, you go for it without thinking twice — impulsive is your middle name. (and why do i still dun get what i want???answer me!!)
You don't wait around for people to make decisions, either; you dive right in. (er..true dat..at times i guess..eih,is that positive?)
Quite the romantic, you pay close attention to your emotions. (i have come to learn that i am a very denying person, living in denial..haha)
In fact, if your heart isn't in what you're doing, you won't be satisfied. (ofkos!!isnt that normal??)
Of course, even when you do pour all your energy into the projects you tackle, your impetuous nature means your passions can shift as frequently as the wind. (err..that; i have to agree..life is ful of surprises! isnt that exciting?? i think so!!)
That's why some reds have trouble with commitment. (note: S.O.M.E not all..)
Our advice? Next time you're feeling fickle, think before you act, if possible. You might be surprised at the results.
Overall, though, it's great to be red. No one lives life more completely than you do
(yeah2..tenkiu..tenkiu..)

HOWEVER..hehe.i did the test again..(denial eh keh3)..and this time around..i got..

Raihan, your true color is Black! (aah..thats one of my fav color..)

Your color is black. The color of night. Serene and mysterious, black conjures up images of elegant evening gowns, dashing tuxedos, and gleaming limousines. (mysterious..i dun really think so..gowns, tux, limoS???i liiiiike that!)
Traditionally a symbol of success, black also represents power and an uncompromising demand for perfection. (demanding i am..i have to admit..)
Not surprisingly, you tend to set challenging goals for yourself and do whatever it takes to achieve them — your strength of character is second to none.(set goals i do..challenging? i guess some are..er..is 'to complete n finish reading Pride n Prejudice' challenging? ehhe )
This unfaltering determination, along with your natural elegance, impresses people. But keep in mind that your personality might be intimidating to some. (i have been hurt by the word 'intimidating' !! huhu..)
Try to temper your demanding side with a little softness — trust us, it won't kill you.
Overall, though, black is the color of professionalism and achievement, which means it's clearly the color for you. (Definitely!! me likum black..)

hmm...so what's black+red? i am a mix of the two..oh well...gotto run n 'embrace' my books..laytah!

p/s: doing a test twice; i dun call it cheating..it's what i call..in search of the truth ngeh3....